


A world for two- revolution

by Huilen



Series: World 2 [3]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-09-15 12:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9235265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huilen/pseuds/Huilen
Summary: "The tragedy of their world was that the majority of the population had a soul mate a perfect half waiting for them and some other didn't."A world for two-revolution takes place fifteen years after the facts of A world for two. The world system is changing and like all the changes, there’s disruption, fear and pain. In all this mess there’s always a community center and of course Cha Hakyeon who doesn’t seem tired to collect new people. Love them. And try to fix them.





	1. Zero

**Author's Note:**

> A world for two- revolution is the spin off of the main story A world for two (BTS characters). You don't need to read the main story to understand this because I will explain the rules of this universe again and the characters are new and not related to the the main story. However if you feel like it, feel free to read it ;)

**A world for two – revolution**

  
  


  
  


**Zero**

  
  


Grocery shopping had become Hakyeon recent nightmare. When he lived alone he had it simple, he just went to the food court for numbers zero, which was a bit insulting if you asked Hakyeon because it wasn’t like they ate grass, and grabbed his single boxes of food and that was it. But he wasn’t alone, not anymore, he had kids to feed and god knew if Sanghyuk didn’t eat enough for two persons. Then, there was Hongbin who along the way basically elected himself as the third family member. He didn’t eat so much but his taste never seemed to fit Sanghyuk’s. Or his. The result was that Hakyeon had to buy three different kinds of products for breakfast. Hakyeon sighed.

“Please, you complain only because you have to spend more money.” Hongbin had snorted the only time the older had dared to complain.

“Yes Hakyeon hyung, aren’t we worth at least two different brands of cereals?” Sanghyuk had the nerve to ask as he smiled cutely at him.

Kids these days.

Since his house had been filled by the gracious presence of those two brats, Hakyeon hadn't had the need to go to the food court for zeroes. He now went to the food court for everyone else, the so-called regular people that didn’t need a special area dedicated to them. People smiled at him now, they no longer looked at him like getting single boxes was a crime. It was nice but it also got under his skin. It was so unfair on so many levels. Things had changed, they were still changing but the process was slow and not void of harm or misunderstandings. The government liked to talk about integration and comprehension and it was good really that they had started to consider also the existing minority but consideration didn't mean giving them their space like they were another specimen, it should have meant not being frowned upon when knowing their status. But habits were hard to change and what had happened a couple of years before didn't help to ease the tension either. Fifteen years before the numbers zeroes had won an important social battle turning the tables of a referendum which was believed to pass easily. It didn’t happen, apparently there was still some decency left in humanity that didn’t want to pass a law that would segregate numbers zeroes even further. Or maybe the so-called perfection of their society was just an abstract concept used as justification to impose the state of things, when in reality even between numbers two there was displeasure and sufferance. In any case, slowly but with growing boldness, the number zeroes had started to raise their voice. Protests started to be more frequent and from the stems of the failure of the referendum, the first political movement of numbers zero came to light. At first it had been a good thing for zeroes to have someone that could talk in their stance, above all if the government still tried his best into brainwash the population and picture the movement as a small group of deviant people. Somehow the movement managed to put some pressure and some concessions were granted, like the cancellation of the status statement in the documents or the opening of liberal arts for the numbers zeroes, the latter a result of the joint battle of numbers zeroes and a group of numbers two. Hakyeon himself had been able to choose to pursue a dancing career because of that won battle. However, shit soon began to happen. Hakyeon didn't know what exactly had happened, he was young back then and even now the government tried his best to twist and hide some matters. He just knew that what had started as a pacific battle for rights soon became hideous and violent jabs from both sides. The numbers zero's movement soon split: one group believed changes needed time and that the battle for rights had to continue in a peaceful way and through diplomatic solutions; the other group believed the progress was too slow and wanted instead a more assertive strategy and was willing to try any method in order to achieve that. Even violence. Of course, that kind of strategy could only lead to conflicts with the government and police. The face-off became so vicious that it could only end in tears a blood, culminated with the “blast” that in November of four years before killed hundreds of people. Neither the government nor the Freedom Movement, the name of the group, had ever taken responsibility for the incidents that had cost so many lives. Personally, Hakyeon thought both of them had been at fault regardless or who put the physical bomb in there.

People had died, people had lost their loved ones, both numbers zero and numbers two.

Since then the government had been more strict with any form of political group among zeroes, prohibiting any form of association that wasn't approved by the government. In turn, the Freedom Movement had become more aggressive and doubled their efforts in trying to fight the system with assaults, manifestation and attacks on the public institutions. In the middle of the two opposite ends of the spectrum stood the rest of the people and those numbers two and zero who had fought together for progress but somehow had remained trapped in between, unable to express their opinion, afraid to be the target from both parts. It was sad. It was regrettable. There were a lot of numbers two who had friends or have family between the zeroes and vice-versa, but now it was all ruined and people had started to not trust each other anymore. There's still some hope somewhere, Hakyeon used to whispers to his kids, to Hongbin especially, precious Hongbin that had so much anger inside of him. In fact, there was. The peaceful fraction of numbers zero still existed, reduced in number but still working to try and put twos and zeroes together by promoting activities, informative workshops and by organizing cultural events. They didn’t have a name because they wanted to eliminate the concept of label. Hakyeon would have joined them gladly if he didn't have the kids to take care and a community center to guide which at the moment occupied all his time and effort. And all his heart as well. So he did his best in his small portion of world, trying to teach Sanghyuk and Hongbin the importance of acceptance and integration, trying to teach them that numbers two weren’t the enemy, that people with bad intentions were. And trying to give with his center a place where young people could meet, socialize and learn together regardless of status. It was hard because the kids' life had been ruined by the attack, but he tried. He tried his best into mending their hearts into acceptance by trying to be an example, if he wanted for them to be understanding he himself had to be the first to live by the beliefs he had set. So he tried, even if Hakyeon himself as a number zero had suffered because of twos.

Sometimes however no matter how hard he tried it seemed like nothing he did or said would ever take the pain from his Hyuk’s eyes or the anger from Hongbin’s heart. So he took care of them at the best of his possibilities giving them a house where they could always come back, a table full of food and all the love he could shower them.

“Hyung, I’m not thirteen anymore. Stop kissing me good morning, you are gross.” It was Saturday morning and usually Hakyeon left the kids sleep in a bit longer as he went to the near super market to buy food for the weekend. Since he liked to wake up early it wasn't unusual to find Sanghyuk and Hongbin still asleep at this return. Honestly Sanghyuk looked so cute while sleeping that Hakyeon couldn't help himself.

“Still a baby in my eyes Hyuk.”

“I’m 18.”

“In a month. You are still seventeen, besides Hongbinnie is almost 19 and I still smother him.” Hongbin, who was brushing his teeth with the bathroom door open, glared at him.

“Don't believe him Hyukkie, Hongbin still likes this hyung hugs. Here look,” and Hakyeon with an ability perfectioned in years rushed to the bathroom and attacked the younger who couldn't defend himself since he was busy with his morning routine. Sanghyuk cackled from the bed looking at his older brother defeated face.

“Hyung!” Hakyeon took pity and let him go but not before giving him a pat on the butt.

“When you finish to wash, get down and come help me with breakfast.”

They both nodded, Sanghyuk stumbling from his bed, unstable on his long limbs. They were growing up so fast. Sanghyuk that summer had reached Hakyeon's height and the oldest kind of suspected he wasn't going to stop there.

Hakyeon went downstairs where he started to organize the groceries in the shelves as well as taking out what he needed to cook.

“Leave it to me hyung, you go cook,” Hongbin said as he took from Hakyeon's hands the boxes.

“Thank you Binnie,” Hakyeon replied and the other smiled. They were good kids, they acted like they didn't stand the eldest affection but it was just to tease him. They always did their best to help him with house chores and Hongbin had even insisted on taking a part-time job to help Hakyeon. Of course Hakyeon didn't get his money, for the time being his job paid enough for the three of them but he, however, didn't stop him from going to work, it was good for Hongbin to have some money for himself and start being independent. Time sure passed so fast. It seemed yesterday when a crying fifteen years old Hongbin knocked at his door. How could Hakyeon not let him stay too? He was only a teacher back then but just like it happened with the young thirteen-year-old Sanghyuk something ached in his heart and he just couldn't let him go. He was going to take care of this kid no matter what. Hakyeon was only 27 a bit young to be considered a father figure by Sanghyuk and Hongbin but he loved them like they were his own flesh. They were his family.

His colleague and friend from his college days, Jaehwan, always teased him saying he was a stray cat collector and Hakyeon would always scoff at him, because Jaehwan cared about his kids too even if they didn't live with him. It was an example how he took to heart Sanghyuk's education.

“Shut up you are more whipped than me.” Jaehwan had laughed then because it was true.

Just when Hakyeon was starting to serve the eggs and the bacon Sanghyuk came down and helped his brother to set the table. Something that Hakyeon was particularly happy of was the relationship Sanghyuk and Hongbin shared. They were two different kids coming from different backgrounds but somehow they bonded immediately. A wounded heart can recognize his companion they said and so since Hongbin had moved in with them he and Sanghyuk had helped each other like only real brothers would do.

“Oh, I'm so hungry! I love the breakfast on Saturday and Sunday! I wish it was like this every day” Sanghyuk exclaimed as Hakyeon served them the bacon and eggs.

“You can't eat that everyday or you'll end up with a serious disease before you reach your twenties,” Hongbin remarked.

“I know! I just said I like bacon and eggs.” Sanghyuk protested. Hakyeon rolled his eyes. Those two also bickered like real brothers over the most useless things. Anyway, that was the reason why Hakyeon had to buy two different brands of cereal. Hongbin was a really a neat person and he had developed an inclination for health food while to Sanghyuk instead it didn't matter what food was on his plate as long as it filled his stomach. Hakyeon tried to respect both their point of view even though he tried to limit the amount of greasy food Sanghyuk devoured and at the same time to ease a bit Hongbin's obsessions. It was good to have a food education but sometimes Hakyeon suspected that all the attention Hongbin put into his food choices was just an extension of his need to have things under control. He sighed internally at the thought. As a child, Hongbin had always felt powerless and with the years he had developed some tricks that helped him to cope. He liked to organize things and order for example. Hakyeon let him, being clean and liking order wasn't a bad thing for a young man, but sometimes Hongbin went a bit overboard with his neat freak tendencies and that was when Hakyeon intervened. He always knew when his kid was upset because when he returned home he could be sure to find him shining the glasses.

Hakyeon tried to distract himself from those thoughts by asking them about school and such, Sanghyuk complained about how his last year of high school was going to be the end of him because he didn't have so much time as before to dedicate to dancing. Hakyeon laughed, sometimes Sanghyuk reminded him of himself so much.

“By the way later I'll have to go the center to check some things. Will you be alright by yourselves you two?”

Hongbin nodded absentmindedly while Sangyuk asked.

“Can I come with you hyung?” he used the cute tone he knew worked so well on Hakyeon but not that time.

“Have you done your homework?”

“Ehm no? But I can do it later you know I'm smart.”

“You being smart has nothing to do with your duties Sanghyuk, first homework then the center. We have a small event in the evening so you both can come later. Beside Jaehwan won't come till the evening.”

Sanghyuk nodded, now that he knew his favorite hyung wasn't there yet he didn't have any interest into keep protesting. Hakyeon smiled. Despite all his attempts to hide it, Sanghyuk could be so obvious. He had been looking up to Jaehwan since forever and Hakyeon had always found cute his puppy love. But as Sanghyuk grew older and the admiration didn't fade like it always happened with those crush for your teachers, Hakyeon had started to worry a bit. Jaehwan was 27 like himself almost a decade older than Sanghyuk and hence not an ideal partner for a union. Even though numbers zero relationships were starting to be more public and less frowned upon, Jaehwan was of another generation and so had been his parents, who had raised him very strictly. He loved his best friend and he loved Sanghyuk but Hakyeon somehow wished that the puppy love his kid felt for his favorite hyung was just that. He didn't want to have to intervene. He really didn't.

“Hongbin are you going to come later?” Asked Hakyeon with an encouraging smile.

Hongbin lifted his gaze from his now empty plate.

“I'm sorry hyung but I don't think so. I'll be busy this afternoon.”

“Have plans with Wonshik?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Ah well, then it can't be helped, say hi to Wonshik for me.” Hongbin nodded but he also appeared more somber. Hakyeon said nothing. He just stood up and took the plates, soon helped by the kids.

As he watched Hongbin dry the dishes he washed, Hakyeon couldn't help but worry again. Lately, Hongbin had started to act strangely. Hakyeon knew why. Hongbin wasn't like him and Sanghyuk and no matter how many words he said about the equality between numbers, he couldn't erase the fact that Hongbin was a number two. That Hongbin, unlike them, had a soul mate somewhere.

The tragedy of their world was that the majority of the population had a soul mate a perfect half waiting for them and some other didn't. The people who had a soul mate were the numbers two, while the people who didn't were the numbers zero. And it could be left like, just different persons with different characteristics but of course it wasn't so simple. Because being a number zero implied you were alone in this universe to face the hardships and the joy of life, that there wasn't out there someone made for you. They were the tragedy of the world and since their first existence numbers zero had been looked down for their imperfection for being lacking, wrong. The error of the system. The relationship between numbers two and zero had been hard and mostly painful, with numbers zero forced to have combined marriage in order to fake a status of number two, till the practice became so common that a veil of accepted hypocrisy spread throughout the world with numbers two that gladly accepted to be fooled if they could continue to act like numbers zero didn't exist, like they were just a small minority without importance. Things started to change when the referendum was proposed to approve a law that would segregate the numbers zero. Luckily that vote was overtook leading to the facts of the current present.

So yes, Hongbin somewhere out there had a soul mate. However one of the reasons that lead him into Hakyeon's life was his resolution to never know who that person was. Despite being a number two there wasn't something Hongbin despised more than soulmates. It was sad because Hakyeon wished nothing more than for Hongbin to be happy and he knew that for numbers two was important to unite with their halves. However he also didn't want to force Hongbin into anything, he didn't want to do the same mistakes his parents did. So he supported him, comforted him in hope one day he would be ready to be free of his fears. It was getting harder and harder though because since he reached the age of introduction, meaning his legal age the time when soulmates met their other halves, Hongbin had started to grow stressed, uncomfortable and angrier. To the point he didn't like to go anymore to the community center. Too many numbers two he once said to Hakyeon who had scolded him. But he knew Hongbin had this irrational fear to find out his soul mate was between some them.

Honestly, Hakyeon was glad he had a friend like Wonshik by his side. Wonshik was a good kid, he was soft where Hongbin was sharper angles and he was pliant where the other was a wall. Their friendship that resisted throughout the years had managed to give Hongbin balance.

When they finished cleaning the kitchen the two went back upstairs to their chores and homework like the good responsible kids they were. As Hakyeon sat down on the couch looking at some documents of the community center, he couldn't help but pray for his kids to be always safe and happy.

  
  


  
  


Taekwoon once heard someone say “I'm living because I can't die.” He didn't remember where he heard that and at that time it didn't make sense to him, it couldn't make sense to him because he was happy, the happiest person in the whole world.

It made sense now and his heart bled from the unfairness of it all.

Once upon a time Taekwoon was the happiest human being in the whole damn world. He had a wife, his soul mate, with whom he had been together since they were 18 and they had shyly held hands and Taekwoon knew she was going to be the only person he would ever love so much. He was wrong of course. Only three years later his daughter was born and he somehow gained his exception. Sunmi, his baby girl.

He took a sip from the bottle. He wasn't like that, he’d never been like that, he used to not drink alcohol now somehow alcohol had become the only thing that kept him moving on. No Sunmi, Sunmi his little girl was what made him moving on.

Taekwoon remember you daughter, remember her.

He took another sip. He didn't know where the heck he was. He just knew he somehow had finished working, he had demanded extra hours because if he didn't work he was afraid he was slowly going to turn mad between the walls of his empty house and he couldn't turn mad, he couldn't, even if the thought was attractive because at least he wouldn't remember the rest, he wouldn't remember the pain. But he had made a promise to his in-laws and to his daughter that he would try to not leave.

“My dear son, try, please try for your daughter.” His mother in law knew what she was asking and Taekwoon knew the hugeness of what he was granting but he had too.

They said soul mates die together. In some measure, it was kind of exact.

It didn't exist a scientific proof yet, they said the shock for a number two who never had to go through life alone was enough to shut down the organism. Someone said it relied on the chemical that brought soul mates together. The thing was then when a soulmate died his other half would follow soon after. It happened for the great majority of cases and the case of people who managed to survived was almost unheard of. Almost. The true was that nobody wanted to talk about that, it was probably the biggest taboo of their world, another of those imperfections their world tried so hard to hide. The happening of that was so rare that people believed it impossible but somehow it could happen. It had happened to Taekwoon. He asked himself if there was something deeply wrong with him because how had he managed to survive at the evidence of his soul mate not being there? How could he, when the pain was so dull the wound so deep he felt like living with a blade sunken into his heart? He was alone, his other half was no longer walking by his side he was alone, damned to an existence of incompleteness. And somehow despite having wishing to die every morning that he opened his eyes he still couldn't. He couldn't.

When the light of his eyes had disappeared from his life Taekwoon had collapsed. People thought he would die in a week but then his mother in law came to plead him. She was grieving like him because that was her daughter but she pleaded him to not die because there was still someone he needed to protect hence he had to survive.

His in-laws were old. His father in law no longer lived in his house but he was hospitalized due to the severity of his disease but since Taekwoon hadn't been able to take care of himself let alone of his daughter, his mother in law took his niece in. Taekwoon's parents had long passed away and his Sunmi had nobody except her grandparents from mother side and him. But his father in law was going to die soon and his wife doubted that at his age she would be able to survive the hit of his soul mate death and Sunmi would have to stay alone.

So Taekwoon had to survive had to be alive for his daughter even with his life was consuming him from the inside.

I'm a dead man walking who can't die.

Until then, until it wasn't necessary for him to stay lucid, Taekwoon had to cope with his loss somehow and so he worked an uncounted number of hours and drank to numb away the pain. He was pathetic, he was a shame, his soul mate would so disappointed but she was no longer there and that was his only way, because if he didn't have to work or sleep he didn't want to feel more than necessary because the light his light had gone.

He was stumbling through the streets he knew he was probably making a show of himself but he didn't care, the world didn't care for him and he was a nobody for them anyway.

He heard laughs of children and he stopped somehow. He thought of his daughter that was safe with grandma but that he couldn't visit because he was a ghost. Sunmi, he had to try for Sunmi. He flopped down, his legs no longer able to stand his weight due to his drunkenness, he flopped down in a dirty alley and stayed there.

  
  


  
  


The day had been really exciting. The community center had planned a laboratory of painting for the youngest students of their center, it was a way to make socialize the kids more and for the parents to know each other and also for new families to participate and maybe decide to enroll one their kids in the center activities. The previous director of the center organized this kind of events once a month a Hakyeon and the board of teachers had maintained the tradition.

Like he had said Hongbin didn't come but Sanghyuk appeared in the early evening after having assured Hakyeon that yes he had finished his homework and he had just one chapter to read and he could do it on Sunday. Hakyeon sighed but let him in, he couldn't resist the smile of Sanghyuk for too long. The younger anyway had run to Jaehwan as soon as he saw the other man, who patted gently his head in an affectionate matter. Sanghyuk frowned at that but Hakyeon was relieved. At least Jaehwan looked at Sanghyuk like the little kid he still was. He shook his head. He didn't want to think about it. In any case, the event was a success and he had to admit that he had needed the extra help of Sanghyk who had wrestle playfully with the kids with more energy.

It was nearly six and he had sent home Hyuk an hour ago with Jaehwan while Hakyeon had stayed to greet the families and wait for the parent to come pick up the kids that had come alone.

But just as he was closing the main door of the center he saw a man lying in the alley next to the building. At first, Hakyeon had jumped some meter away afraid he was a burglar or some person with bad intentions. Sadly, cases of vandalism weren't something new to their center even though it had been a while since the last time it had happened. But then looking better he saw that the man lying in the corner was somehow asleep. Or so he hoped. Hakyeon started to panic. Oh god, what if he is dead, oh god. Trying to collect some courage because he couldn't let a possible dead or injured man lay in the alley next to his center, he took some careful step towards the man. It brought no movement from the guy. When he was one meter away his nostrils were attacked by a heavy smell of alcohol and that was when he noticed there was an empty bottle lying beside the man. Taking another step and crouching down Hakyeon noticed that thank god the man was still breathing but it also meant that there was a drunk and passed out dude lying in the alley next to his center. Hakyeon sighed. What the heck. And now what he was supposed to do. Call an ambulance, call the police? Honestly Hakyeon wanted to go back to the kids and not having to deal with the cops, the made him nervous and judging by the current state of the guy he was probably a fellow number zero (because number two didn't need to drink to forget pain, they were always happy. And this man looked like someone who had just drunk to forget. Hakyeon was an expert of that). Besides, he didn't want to hand a fellow number zero to the police no matter if the dude had been so stupid to drink till unconsciousness. Maybe he could wake up the guy and tell him that he couldn't stay there. Hakyeon stared at his asleep face. The man didn't look dangerous and judging from the way of he was dressed he just seemed an office worker who somehow had gone wild with his happy hour. Like very wild since it was half past six. Sighing once gain Hakyeon poked the man in the ribs at first gently then when the man didn't seem to have any intention to wake up, he did it more insistently until he just grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him.

“Hey, dude. Wake up!” Hakyeon pleaded.

“C'mon wake up I can't stay here all day! Don't make me call the cops!”

The man suddenly stirred and Hakyeon could have made a dance of joy for the relief. Then the man slowly opened his eyes.

Hakyeon felt the air leave his lungs. It was the prettiest pair of eyes he ever saw in his life and he had been with a lot of pretty people thank you very much. It was also the saddest pair of eyes he had ever come to cross and he had met a lot of sad people too, including himself once upon a time when looking at the reflection of the mirror he saw a lonely man tired of this existence. It was before he met Sanghyuk way before when he was young and confused and the weight of loneliness was too much for his heart, when he didn't know how to cope with the grief of having a destiny of solitude.

They said Hakyeon was a generous man that he had took in two troubled kids despite not being related to them and without any obligation. But Hakyeon knew he didn't save anyone, it was the kids that gave him a reason for living, they were the force that made him wake up with enthusiasm in the morning, his reason.

The gaze of this man reminded Hakyeon of Sanghyuk's eyes when he took him in after his parents had died in the blast. It reminded him of Hongbin when he left his family behind.

“Hey are you ok?” asked Hakyeon. Good job Hakyeon. Go for useless questions.

The man looked confused he blinked a couple of times probably trying to put Hakyeon and his surrounding to focus. As soon as he realized what was going on, he shrugged Hakyeon's hand from his shoulder like his touch was burning.

He didn't reply to Hakyeon, he just used the wall to get up refusing any help.

“Hey do you want me to call someone?” asked Hakyeon uncertain and a bit worried when it was evident that the man had all the intention to walk away without saying anything and he didn't look completely stable either. Yes, he knew the man was doing exactly what Hakyeon had wished for before but now that he had looked him in the eyes he wasn't so sure anymore.

“Hey sir! Sir! Do you want me to call someone? I can't let you go in this condition.” Hakyeon walked after him.

Then he collided with the said man’s back and he stumbled back, a bit disoriented.

The man turned around slightly and with the softest voice Hakyeon had ever heard he said

“I have no one.” And then he turned back and walked away.

Hakyeon stayed frozen in his spot looking at the man until he disappeared from his sight.

He hugged himself suddenly cold.

  
  


  
  


 


	2. 00

00

 

 

Wonshik really thought this was a bad idea. He knew it when Hongbin had mentioned it to him the first time, although Wonshik had foolishly believed it was just a fleeting whim and really by then he should have realized that Hongbin was the most stubborn human being on the planet, and he knew it was a bad idea even now that he was at the threshold of what it had to be the innocent waiting room of an oratory, while instead, it was the headquarter of a very special support group.

Hongbin didn’t hesitate a moment, he had crossed with extreme disregard the entrance like he was just going to buy tomatoes at the supermarket. Wonshik was frozen in his own spot and he felt dazed even before he could put a foot in the hall.

If he wanted to stop Hongbin, he was doing a poor job, but Wonshik, after all, had never been able to deny something to his best friend.

Wonshik and Hongbin had been friends since they were 12 when Hongbin’s family had moved to his city and had enrolled their only son in his school. Hongbin had been popular ever since and Wonshik had always found him special. In the eyes of a number two certain things like the appearance of a person, it was something that passed nearly unnoticed.

Yet he couldn’t deny though that Hongbin had hit him, even if he had not been able to identify a valid reason to justify his interest. Maybe it was realizing, even before he knew Hongbin, that the latter was so much, much than the beautiful cover that everyone saw. He was strong willed, determined and a hard worker. Also, someone with a quirky sense of humor. Yes, he was that kind of friend, the one who laughed out loud when you smashed your face on the floor. He helped you, but not without laughing all the way from the courtyard to the infirmary.

Wonshik didn’t remember well how it started their friendship, they talked by chance during recess and from that moment on they stuck together. It was strange because Hongbin was fussy while Wonshik was a disorganized mess, he was competitive while Wonshik instead preferred to enjoy the journey and his friend was reserved while he was an affectionate person. Heck, they didn’t even listen to the same music. However, they both were dreamers and also two people tremendously determined to realize their respective dreams.

It was this fire, it was this burning desire that made them feel so at ease with each other because they recognized themselves similar despite their abysmal differences.

Through the years this feeling got stronger and, without realizing it, Wonshik was so well tuned to Hongbin that he had learned to read the turns of his thoughts even before he had to say them out loud, as well as his best friend was good at centering him with his logical speech during times of distress. They had braided so magnificently two different ends running along the same path. He remembered how one of their classmates had exchanged their identities ending up calling Wonshik Hongbin.

"You are always together. I might have confused your names," the boy answered. Wonshik had laughed, that laugh of his that sounded like a bark and so similar to Hongbin’s laugh, or maybe it was the other way, whereas Hongbin had opened his big eyes outraged. It was a silly thing he knew it, but he found the fact endearing.

Like a shadow, so that my steps will never miss yours.

Hongbin turned abruptly, tilting his head to the side and pinned him with his gaze. Wonshik wondered how he hadn’t noticed before how deep were his feelings when every time Hongbin looked at him like that, he his breath was taken away.

"Wonshik?" He asked in a whisper to not be heard by the people who were talking in the other room.

Wonshik shook his head.

"I can’t do it," he murmured. This place was definitely in the top three of the places that Wonshik would never, ever wanted to attend: the other two were the prison and a classroom during math class. He had really hoped that his best friend wanted to joke and instead, as every time Hongbin was going out with one of his crazy ideas, he was deadly serious. And Wonshik was going to have to run to keep up with him.

"Come on. We are already here," Hongbin murmured a bit exasperated and a bit worried. Hongbin was a very determined person but he loved Wonshik. He didn’t want that the latter did anything that he didn’t want to. But he had to do this and he needed the support of his best friend to be able to do it.

"I don’t understand why we needed to come here. Do you know what kind of place is this? "

"It's just a support group," Hongbin said this time with a clearly exasperated tone. But Wonshik knew it was all a bluff to mask his fear.

"Yeah, sure. And it’s so harmless that you missed mentioning it to Hakyeon. This is not a normal support group but a freedom fighters meeting ... "Hongbin shut his mouth with his hand.

"Shhh. Do you want them to hear us?" Wonshik frowned.

Hongbin sighed.

"I just want to hear what they have to say. Just this once. I need to hear it," Hongbin pleaded. Ah. Wonshik then just nodded his head and Hongbin took his hand away. He looked at him intently like he wanted to say sorry but Wonshik didn’t say anything because wherever his best friend needed to go he would follow him.

Then his best friend took him gently by the wrist and they walked down the hall together.

Wonshik grew up with his grandparents. He didn’t remember his parents he just knew what he was told by his grandparents and that they had died in a car accident when he was three. He couldn’t say that he had never wished they were there with him, that he hadn’t been missing them all those years. But Wonshik grew up happily and his grandparents had showered him with love and so his loss even if real wasn’t so unbearable because he had no memories that reminded him of what he would never have.

Hongbin instead had memories, he was 15 when he lost his family. The loss of his parents was something he remembered very well, that he would remember forever and that it still hurt. Discovering the truth behind their disappearance had only aggravated things and since then he hadn’t been the same. He was doing better now, Hakyeon and Sanghyuk were good for him, but Wonshik knew every little nook and crevice of his heart and he knew for sure that he was still broken and that Hongbin was going in circles trying to figure out how to put himself back together.

The room was large and spacious and all the seats available were occupied. A chill ran down Wonshik’s spine because he hadn’t expected so many people. While this meant that their presence would pass unnoticed on the other hand it meant that there were more people than he had been willing to admit that were interested in those things, and that thought frightened him.

Anyway, he and Hongbin settled in a corner on the sidelines resting their back on the wall.

There were a podium and a microphone on stage, and people seemed to rotate their turn to speak. A woman started talking.

"My son died the morning of April 16, seven years ago. Many years have passed but it’s a pain that could never be extinguished. Every morning I wake up and for a moment I hope to hear his voice again, to hear his footsteps in the house, he used to always wake up early you know. But then I realize that it could never happen, that won’t ever happen again. My son died on April 16 seven years ago. He jumped from the fifth floor of our building. We knew it was hard. But we missed to understand how much. We didn’t know to what extent the wickedness of the people had crept into him and we believed his suffering bearable no different from the sufferance we passed through. We were wrong. We were dead wrong. My son was only seventeen and he was a number zero."

As soon Wonshik felt that story he had the impulse to run away from there instantaneously. He knew it. He knew there was suffering, he knew that their world was far from perfect that their ancestors had created a world based upon iniquity and had passed off the system for peace.

He knew it, had he not seen the suffering in the face of Hongbin, in the face of all people?

But his friend did not need this. His best friend knew too well the evil. The injustice and pain. He needed to heal and not to wallow in the hatred of those who had nothing to lose.

"They humiliated him, ridiculed him and harassed him for years. As if our condition wasn’t enough of a heavy burden, they had to make him suffer even more. I know they say that our world has improved, we have more rights. But our children continue to die, and after seven years no one has ever paid for that crime. Therefore, I demand justice. Justice over numbers two. "

The woman's words were followed by a standing ovation. Wonshik wanted to bury himself in the wall. He glanced at Hongbin who looked horrified but also strangely preoccupied. It followed a bit of commotion and then another person was invited to step up and all the people quieted down. Wonshik knew it had to be someone important even though the man didn’t look any older than Hakyeon.

“Some of you already know my story but many here are new and that’s why I’m going to tell it again because I know how important is sharing. Sharing does not repair the injustice but makes us feel less lonely. My dear numbers zero remember, we are alone only if divided and our sufferings bind us to one another.

My name is Yoonsook and I’m 28 years old. And four years ago I lost my parents in the Blast of November. No, I didn’t lose them in the explosion, I lost them in a much more subtle and cruel way. The night after the accident the special forces had broken into my parents' house, where they lived with my sister, a minor at the time. Unceremoniously and without a proper accusation they took them away and have entrusted my sister to social services. I haven’t seen my parents since and for all I know they may already be dead. Or at least I hope so because I know that in this world exist a lot of things worse than being buried six feet under. I knew my parents and no matter what the government says, I know they weren’t terrorists and that's why I ask justice over numbers two."

People clapped even louder than the first time.

Wonshik didn’t need to listen any longer, he took Hongbin by the arm and dragged him as quickly as possible away from there and his friend happily let him do it. Once they were on the street and they ran from the oratory and they didn’t stop until they were at a safe distance. And only then, only then he stopped and realized that they had held hands all the way even if Hongbin hated the display of affection. Yet he was the one holding hands, his eyes cast on the ground.

Wonshik wanted to take his face in his hands and make sure he was all right, that his Hongbin was all right, but he did not.

"You okay?" His best friend then looked up and Wonshik had to have a very concerned look because Hongbin tried to smile reassuring.

"I’m ok. You're the one pale," he said this in a feeble attempt at humor.

"I'm cold, that's all." No one commented on the fact that it was May and the sun was splitting the stones.

"You were right, we shouldn’t have gone there. I'm sorry I brought you here, "he said, biting his bottom lip.

"It doesn’t matter. Just promise me that we won’t ever go there again."Wonshik replied.

 Hongbin laughed slightly, giving him a pat on the arm.

"Let's go home." He said, unclasping their hands but not moving a centimeter from Wonshik, their shadows crossing on the asphalt. Together they walked toward Hakyeon’s home, Hongbin’s home.

And as they walked shoulder to shoulder trying to strike up a normal conversation he wondered if his friend was well and if he, Wonshik, would not regret in the future not to have insisted more to not go there and he especially wondered how his friend would react if he ever came to discover the truth. The image of Hongbin who spoke on that stage crossed his mind, and he shuddered.

He had wounds, they both had wounds and Wonshik had once feared to have lost Hongbin forever yet somehow they managed to find themselves again. However, he was afraid, he lived in fear of the moment when Hongbin the number two who had been brought up as a zero would discover that Wonshik the number zero wasn't one to begin with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hakyeon was distracted and it wasn’t something usual of him.

He found himself putting in the bag a pound of onions and neither he nor the children liked them so much. It had been like that throughout the week so much that Jaehwan had teased him non-stop with all his boastful enthusiasm. He had to know that Sanghyuk would have said everything, it was irritating to know that you have a spy in the house even if Hakyeon knew that his kid had told Jaehwan because he didn’t want Hakyeon to have other dangerous close encounters, to use the irritated words of Hongbin. Both had scolded him for being so naive to approach a stranger in such unfavorable circumstances. The older had snorted. The guy in the alley hadn’t represented a danger to anyone except himself and besides he could take care of himself, although it was nice to see how the kids were concerned for him.

He sighed putting the onions back in their basket. He wanted to see again that man and possibly find out what had become of him; if he was okay. If it felt better. Jaehwan called this feeling “a compulsion to collect stray cats”, but the truth was Hakyeon couldn’t help but be sensitive to the pain of others. Because he was like that in the past, he knew how deep into the abyss could make you fall the self-hatred and if that night there had been no Kim Seokjin for him, lost boy of seventeen years old, then it would have been the end. Hakyeon couldn’t consider that alternative, the alternative in which he wouldn’t be there or he wouldn’t be healthy enough to be of help to the others. The Hakyeon of back then it would have been completely useless at helping thirteen years old Sanghyuk or fifteen years old Hongbin.

So the thing was, Hakyeon wanted to see him again. He knew though that it was impossible for that to happen unless he found the man slumped in the alley next to the club again and that was the last thing he wanted. It had seemed to Hakyeon however to catch a glimpse of him among the people passing every day under the window of his office, obviously e it was probably a trick of his mind. Person, wherever you are, I hope you'll be taking care of yourself.

He shook his head as he filled the bag with the right content, tomatoes, Hongbin was crazy for tomatoes and fresh salad.

He filled quickly the trolley with what he needed, he wanted, in fact, to return in time to prepare dinner for his children, God only knew how much hunger Sanghyuk always had every time he came back from the dance lesson and how much Hongbin had from his shift at the library.

He was so deep in thought, mentally choosing among his recipes, that he almost passed his chance.

Then in front of the shelf filled with different brands of coffee, there was the drunk guy in the alley. He looked in better shape than what Hakyeon remembered but he was still deathly pale, he had dark shadows under the eyes and the nails at the end of his long fingers, his index kept beating thoughtfully on his chin, were bitten.

Hakyeon thought two things, first that the guy probably had to live close because the supermarket was just a few steps away from the community, and this meant that the man that night probably had tried to return home. Secondly, Hakyeon had to make sure he was all right. To hell with Jaehwan and his theories on his compulsions.

Before he could regret he covered the short distance that separated them and just like that night he poked his arm with a finger. He tried to retain a sense of embarrassment.

"Hey," Hakyeon called his attention with the most reassuring tone of voice he could summon. The man turned slightly, eyeing him suspiciously. Oh. Hakyeon didn’t think his gaze could be so strong, but then again he had seen him when he was clouded by alcohol.

Hakyeon cleared his throat suddenly nervous.

"Er, do you remember me? That night in the alley? "He wanted to kick himself. Why did he never shut up, or rather, why he could never resist his impulses? Probably the man didn’t even remember that it had been Hakyeon that helped him get up.

"Ah. It’s you." The man said, with that thin voice that didn't fit with his hostile gaze, as if Hakyeon had made him a terrible wrong.

Perfect, he felt an idiot now.

"Yeah, it’s me. You know, a normal person would thank me. If it weren’t for me who knows how long you'd have stayed there. You know that it’s not healthy to drink so much? "

Oh Cha Hakyeon why, why do you never shut up.

The looked at him like he was judging him hard but then he shrugged and started to walk away. Now it was Hakyeon’s turn to feel deeply irritated. Not so fast.

"Wait. Wait! I ... Would you like some coffee? That of the machine at the entrance. So you won’t feel indebted to me further." Hakyeon concluded sarcastically unable to believe his own ears. Why was he doing this? The man didn’t even seem to even spare him two seconds of his time let alone the time to drink a coffee.

"You pay?" He asked, taking Hakyeon by surprise.

"Of course, my treat. I invited you, didn’t I?” He said more and more irritated. This guy who did he think he was.

And then, amazingly, the man nodded. He pointed to the trolley as if to say that he had finished shopping and that he was just going to pay like he was too busy to waste his breath in talking. He tried not to take it to heart, maybe the man was just terribly shy and Hakyeon indeed must have looked like some delusional guy who went around offering coffee to strangers.

"Great! I had finished shopping too. Let's go to the cashbox then." The man shrugged his shoulders and did as Hakyeon suggested.

Once they had reached the point, he feared for a moment that the guy would take advantage of the fact that Hakyeon was paying the cashier to cut and run, but apparently, the man was either a coffee addicted or a person who never said no to free beverage. The two then headed in the direction of coffee dispenser available to customers.

"So what do you want?" He asked gently after putting the coins. 

The man without a word pressed the buttons for the maximum dose of sugar and the latte. Hakyeon smiled. A person so fond of sweet things couldn’t be so bad. The man crossed his arms over his chest as he waited for the coffee to be ready, leaving the shopping bag on the ground.

"Nice to meet you, I’m Hakyeon," he said, extending his hand. Very reluctantly the other man took it.

"Taekwoon." The other one answered and he seemed determined to say no more, but for Hakyeon it was enough. Taekwoon. He could finally stop calling him “the drunk guy in the alley”.

The machine beeped signaling the finished drink and Taekwoon took his coffee at the speed of the light. Yes, definitely coffee addicted, Hakyeon thought.

"Good! And how are you Taekwoon, if I may ask?" Taekwoon glared at him again and Hakyeon knew he had asked the wrong question. "You know, you don’t need to reply to that," he said, and proceeded to tell him a bit of himself. "I am a dance teacher and the head of the community center." The man sipped his coffee slowly, he didn’t seem interested in his words and yet he was still there and Hakyeon considered it a small victory. He continued to speak of the community center and what they did until Taekwoon had drunk the last sip of his coffee and Hakyeon had no excuse to keep him there.

"Well I'm glad that we talked. Feel free to pass by the center, we always need a few extra hands. You can always just come to greet me, I promise to not get offended. "

For a moment, he thought to see the shadow of a smile appear on his face but it was merely a second and his face turned blank.

"I have to go." He said and then added, hesitantly, "Thanks for the coffee."

"Anytime Taekwoon!" Taekwoon glanced at him like he couldn’t believe Hakyeon was real, in his defense even Hakyeon couldn’t believe it, then after a nod, the man picked up his bag and walked away. Hakyeon sighed heavily. What the fuck had possessed him?

He took his shopping bags and decided to go home. He tried to convince himself that his move had not been in vain that at least now he knew that the guy in the alley, Taekwoon, was alive and relatively well, at least physically.

The image of Taekwoon standing in front of the coffee shelf for numbers two flashed before his eyes. Hakyeon wondered what had happened to Taekwoon to turn him in the most miserable number two on earth.

 

 

 

 

"The new group of children is very promising. They are little devils, I swear they are becoming brighter year by year, but they are good children. And they can follow me well when they stay focused." Jaehwan said as he helped Hakyeon to close the classrooms. Hakyeon was distracted, though. "Aha," he replied absentmindedly. It was something so uneventful that Jaehwan frowned and turned to look at Hakyeon. Usually, the two of them were a constant chatter of opinions exchange about their children.

"Hakyeon are you even listening to me?"

Hakyeon didn’t answer but walked instead thoughtfully toward the lobby, playing with keys.

"Hakyeon?"

"Mmm?" He said turning slightly.

A broad smile appeared on Jaehwan’s face.

"I know that look. God if I know. We went to college together and I know all your expressions, especially that one! So tell me, "continued Jaehwan approaching with stealthy steps his friend," who have you met lately? "

Hakyeon blushed and Jaehwan knew he hit the target.

"What makes you think I've met someone?" The other said, trying to slip away. Jaehwan smiled triumphantly. Usually, their roles were reversed, it was Hakyeon that liked to act like a pushy mother pretending to know everything about the lives of his loved ones. It was fun for once to be on the other side of the spectrum, and he was beginning to understand why his friend did it so much.

For his part, the latter didn’t want to give anything out considering that the only person he had met that week was Taekwoon and Hakyeon couldn’t admit finding him interesting because the circumstances of their meeting were ridiculous and it wasn’t possible that it took him so little to. He forced himself to not finish that thought. But the truth was that he could not stop thinking about Taekwoon.

"You know that you can tell me anything," exclaimed Jaehwan. Hakyeon shook his head.

"There’s nothing to tell this time, really."

Jaehwan chuckled but he let it go. He knew that sooner or later Hakyeon would come to him and tell him everything.

They checked one last time that everything was in order before they went back home.

He waited for Hakyeon to shut the heavy door and put the alarm and then together they headed towards the parking lot. But they didn’t even manage to get half way that Hakyeon stopped dead in the track and the expression on his face was so alarmed that Jaehwan froze. The other was looking down the alley and before he could say anything Jaehwan saw him running toward something, or rather someone who seemed to be there.

"Hakyeon!" Shouted Jaehwan in an attempt to stop him and when he saw that it was useless he rushed at his heels.

He saw Hakyeon take the pulse of the person collapsed on the alley and saw his face light up with relief. He couldn’t help but notice the empty bottles beside the person and a lot of alarm bells rang in his head. It had to be the same guy Sanghyuk had mentioned.

"Hakyeon we have to call someone, it’s not safe!" Hakyeon hadn’t seemed to listen, trying his best to wake the man up. When turned the guy on the side to facilitate breathing, Jaehwan finally saw the stranger in the face and let out a surprised yelp.

"What's up? What's the hell Jaehwan? "His friend turned alarmed.

"Taekwoon ..." whispered Jaehwan. Hakyeon seemed to brighten.

"Do you know him?"

"I ... I knew him. Once. In high school." Jaehwan was shocked. He didn’t think he would see his high school best friend after all those years and in those circumstances. What had happened, what the heck had happened in all that time to reduce Jung Taekwoon in a drunk mess in a dirty alley almost a decade later? He felt a shiver of sadness.

Taekwoon, that used to be so headstrong and stubborn, Taekwoon that was super competitive on the football field and who liked to steal chocolate bars from Jaehwan’s bag.

Hakyeon remained almost motionless for a moment undecided.

"We have to call someone we cannot leave him here."

The other shook his head, remembering the words of Taekwoon. There’s no one.

Jaehwan saw him sighing. He seemed to have taken a decision.

"Lend me a hand."

"What?"

"Lend me a hand. Help get him in my car. I’ll take him home. "

"Hakyeon!"

"I know he is not dangerous and the fact that you know him makes me feel better. And like you said, we cannot leave him here and I'm not going to call the authorities and get him into trouble. So come here put your shoulder under his arm and help me take him into the car." Jaehwan stood frozen for a moment then he shook his head in disbelief but did as he was told.

And as he put Taekwoon in Hakyeon’s car and the latter fastened his belt, Jaehwan hoped everything was going to be all right.

A man abandoned to himself and the man who loved collecting stray cats.

Jaehwan prayed that it wasn’t a recipe for disaster.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are gearing up! I love to write about Wonshik and Hongbin! Next comes Hyuk and Jaehwan and of course or Hakyeon and Taekwoon =D  
> http://iwaslookingforhope.tumblr.com/ come scream at me!


	3. 00.1

00.1

 

 

 

Awake. Taekwoon was definitely awake. There was always that sense of disappointment and the heavy sense of duty that welcomed him in the morning when the fog of alcohol and pain thinned and he was lucid. Another day. He had managed to survive yet another day.

"Do you ever think about the numbers zero?" She had asked him. It was a strange world the one they were living, in and Taekwoon felt often deeply inadequate to understand the challenges of their time. Taekwoon was a number two and he was happy. Despite knowing that there were people out there who hardly ever were happy, it was difficult to understand the feeling.

"Honestly, not all."

She had looked at him sideways. He and she came from very different family situations. Taekwoon had grown up in a peaceful home, his parents were a perfect pair of numbers two and their parents before them were too as well. His sisters were all married to their soulmates for years. Of course he was not blind, he knew that their world wasn't perfect but understand the pain numbers zero went through? Taekwoon didn't have the presumption to think that he could even vaguely grasp the concept.

"Call me selfish, but I'm always so happy that there is no room for anything else in my head," Taekwoon had confessed, making her smile.

"I'm happy too. But a lot is going on and I'm worried. Our daughter will grow into a world that doesn't know how to make peace with itself, Taekwoon," she said stroking her belly. Taekwoon had intertwined their hands then. They had good genes, Taekwoon's family had been numbers two for generations and though his wife could not boast the same, the probability that their child resulted in being a number zero was incredibly minimal. But not nonexistent, a voice in his head reminded him.

"Whatever happens we'll face it together. You, me and our daughter. And this is enough to give me courage." Taekwoon had answered making her smile even wider.

If he closed his eyes and focused, he could still see the shadow of that smile. He could still remember it.

Taekwoon suddenly opened his eyes but had to close them again because the sunlight was wounding him violently. He grunted annoyed because after what he had been drinking, having the sun on his face was the last thing he wanted. He rubbed his cheek on the pillow trying to get back to sleep but while doing so he realized that it was rougher than he remembered, like the cloth that covers sofas. Then, he thought it was strange that the sunlight was hitting him in the face because he never opened the windows in the morning, he could not stand, in fact, to clearly see the outlines of a house that looked too empty.

He rose abruptly, throwing a wounded groan because he had just managed to worsen his headache and, at the same time, had triggered a terrible feeling of nausea. He violently broke free of the blanket that was enveloping his body and nearly fell off the couch while doing so.

"Hold on there. Don’t you dare make another move," said a young voice from somewhere in front of him. Taekwoon froze. Yes, that definitely wasn’t his home unless one of his hallucinations had suddenly learned to speak. Lazily, he opened one eye.

There was a guy sitting in the armchair across from him, probably not even in his twenties, who was staring at him with suspicion. He was holding a lamp in a hand and a steaming cup of coffee in the other. The scent momentarily distracted him but then he remembered that he did not know what was going on and so he opened his mouth.

"Where am I?" He asked in a whisper, feeling his throat horribly dry.

The boy sighed as if he didn’t like what he had to say.

"This is my home. Well, technically this is Hakyeon’s home but it is also my home, Sanghyuk’s and Hakyeon’s home. Hakyeon hyung is, in case you were wondering, the one who brought you here last night. You were so drunk though that I wouldn’t be surprised if you had forgotten everything. Hakyeon hyung is also the one who held your head over the toilet and has probably prevented you from coming to a bad end." The boy said with a sarcastic tone. Taekwoon found him a bit cheeky but decided not to comment. He couldn’t care less about this brat’s rude tone, he had other pressing facts to clear out if he wanted to go away from there as soon as possible.

"Who is Hakyeon?" He asked, sitting down on the couch and rubbing his temples in an attempt to ease the pain. When he looked up he saw that the boy was looking at him in disbelief, his already large eyes wide with surprise.

He heard him mutter something that sounded like "this syndrome to pick up strays had exceeded all limits" before yelling a "Sanghyuk!"

Taekwoon winced in pain. Was it really necessary to shout so loud?

"What!" Another shout came from somewhere above the house.

"Come down, now!" The boy said, leaving the cup on the side table and standing up, grabbing the lamp tightly like it was a weapon. Taekwoon looked puzzled almost unable to believe that his end would have been at the hands of a snotty brat. He raised an eyebrow, but the boy looked determined. He heard footsteps approaching and then another kid even taller than the first boy, came down the stairs. Despite his size, he looked younger.

Fantastic, he was being held hostage by two brats.

"Sanghyuk, he said he does not know who Hakyeon is!" The older boy said as if it was something unforgivable. The newcomer frowned.

"How come he doesn’t know who Hakyeon is? I thought he was a friend of his- I mean, hyung had been holding his head over the toilet," the boy, Sanghyuk, said gesturing.

"Apparently not!" The older boy exclaimed exasperated indicating Taekwoon with the lamp. "This thing has to stop! I mean, I am aware that if it weren’t for his maternal instinct we wouldn’t be here, but a stranger? And a drunk one on top of that?" Taekwoon told himself that he should feel offended but honestly none of the things that came out from this boy’s mouth was a lie. He even agreed with the hard feelings he seemed to harbor for this Hakyeon’s habits. Who on the earth nowadays kidnapped drunken strangers and brought them home to look after them?

"Hakyeon will be here soon, it should not take long for him to come back from the supermarket and then we ask him some questions," Sanghyuk tried to reason. "In the meantime, let's not jump to conclusions. Even if it were like that, I doubt that he represents a threat in the state he is now. Look at him, he is not even able to stand up properly," the younger boy said, pointing to the pathetic state of Taekwoon with a gesture. Taekwoon tried to glare at him with a defining look but he was certain that his hangover wasn’t helping his cause. Besides the kid was right.

"Plus, Hakyeon would have never let him in the house if he represented a danger and Jaehwan would not have helped him get in the car," the boy concluded with a shrug.

"Not that Jaehwan hyung is the most reasonable person in this world," said the first guy skeptical.

"Now don’t be dramatic Binnie," the boy retorted glaring at him. The first boy, Binnie, sighed raising his arms in surrender.

Now, of all the weird things that the two brats had said, this was the first that had made sense.

"Jaehwan? Lee Jaehwan?" Taekwoon asked, voice coming out in a rasping whisper. God, he would have given anything for a glass of water.

"You know Jaehwan hyung?" asked the boy named Sanghyuk with an unreadable look. Taekwoon nodded. The two boys looked at each other in surprise.

At that moment, however, the sound of the front door opening took them by surprise. A man with black hair and with vivid eyes stepped through the door holding a shopping bag in his hands. When he saw all of them gathered in the living room, he smiled. Taekwoon had to look away from such a genuine positivity

"You are all awake! Great!" He said cheerfully.

"Hakyeon hyung!" Said in chorus the two boys.

"What's up? Since when you are so happy to see me?" Then noticing the tension in the air he looked around and noticed that Hongbin was holding the lamp in his right hand.

"Hongbin what are you doing with that lamp in your hand?"

It followed some idle talk in which the two boys asked the man who had just entered what was happening and why he had brought Taekwoon, a stranger, in their house.

"He is not a stranger, I know him. Well, more or less," the man corrected himself, earning a glare from the boy named Hongbin.

"This not the time to chat, though. We have a guest and we haven’t had breakfast yet.” Taekwoon watched as this Hakyeon unceremoniously passed the bag to Sanghyuk and came up to him with a radiant smile plastered on his face. He looked at him, his eyes narrowed as he tried to put this man, the person who had dragged him to that place claiming to be a savior, somewhere in the hazy memories of his head.

"I bet that under that headache you're hungry. I hope you like pancakes and coffee?" He asked then politely stopping two meters away from him. A distance that, he must have realized, it was the maximum his guest could tolerate.

Taekwoon, confused and puzzled, didn’t know what to answer and just stared at him. Something akin to understanding seemed to pass over Hakyeon’s face. "Oh, I'm so sorry, this must look so strange to you, you probably don’t remember well what happened last night," Hakyeon said sitting down slowly at the opposite end of where he was sitting. "Last night I found you passed out in the alley next to my community center. I tried to wake you up but I couldn’t but I also couldn’t abandon you there and I didn’t think it was a good idea to call the authorities either. So with the help of a friend, I brought you here," he concluded simply.

However, since none of his words had provoked a reaction in Taekwoon, Hakyeon looked worried. Another shadow passed over the man's face. "Wait, do you remember me, do you? I’m Cha Hakyeon, I woke you up the first time and then we met at the supermarket. No?"

For the first time, the man's smile seemed to falter. Taekwoon didn’t know what had happened then, perhaps it was the fact that he realized he was the one in the wrong and that he was taking advantage of the kindness of strangers even if he had never asked for it. Or maybe it was the fact that this Hakyeon seemed able to talk with him even when he did not speak as if it were easy to read his mind when anyone except his soul mate had never managed to do so. Or, finally, it was the fact that this man, who probably was his age, seemed genuinely affected by his indifference which was weird in ten million different ways, because what could he, a dead man walking, mean to this person who seemed to be made instead of bottled up happy solution? It was obvious that the two of them had nothing to spare.

The thing was that for once he tried, he tried to figure out where he could have seen his face, where he had already felt this irritating sensation of inadequacy, like shadows that feel threatened by the sun, and it was then that he remembered having already experienced this feeling.

"You are the man who offered me coffee," he said in a serious tone.

"Exactly!" He exclaimed triumphantly, clapping. "See?" The man said then, turning towards the first boy who had stayed there in the living room, unlike the other guy who went to the kitchen to put away the groceries, to watch over him, the crazy stranger, as if he could do something threatening against the other man. Taekwoon snorted internally. He did not represent a danger to anyone except for himself even if he had to mentally agree with the guy that he perfectly matched to the definition of lunatic stranger.

Taekwoon realized then how much out of place he was in there. He jumped up and it was a bad idea because he was attacked by another wave of nausea.

Hakyeon stood up, worried, but didn’t dare to get closer than he already was. "You can leave whenever you want. But please eat something first. I'd feel better to know you are well fed." Taekwoon wanted to say no, because who was this man to tell him what to do, he told himself, however, he knew that in reality, all his irritation stemmed from his incapacity to bear all that kindness, something that hadn’t received for such a long, long time that it was a physical pain. He also realized though that in those conditions he would not have managed to walk for too long, considering he didn’t even know his location. He needed to wash his face and clear his mind and only then, he could try to figure out how to go away as quickly as possible.

"The bathroom is over there," said Hakyeon reading him once again and Taekwoon forced himself not to be dominated by yet another motion of irritation.

Taekwoon however, decided not to comment, and without saying a word went to the bathroom. There, he found clean towels stacked on the washing machine and he wondered if they had been prepared for him, but he tried not to think about it. He owed them nothing, he owed Hakyeon nothing, it wasn’t his fault that this guy had a compulsion to mind others’ business. Inwardly, however, he was grateful.

He rinsed his face with cold water and soap, being careful not to accidentally look at his reflection in the mirror. He must have looked like garbage but he could not care less because that was how he felt inside, dead.

He looked at his clothes. There, nothing could be done, they were all crumpled and there was an unmistakable patch of alcohol on his pants but he didn’t have a change and did not want to ask for anything lent because he was afraid that he would get it. So after rinsing his mouth several times, he decided to go to the kitchen.

He paused in the doorway, looking uncertain. The first guy, Hongbin, was setting the table, the youngest was taking the coffee from the machine while Hakyeon was warming up pancakes in a pan. Taekwoon was tempted to get out of there. There were too many people in a single room, too much light, too much everything. But Hakyeon as though feeling his presence looked up from the pan and smiled.

"Ah Taekwoon you can sit, we are almost done." Taekwoon froze but then like that time he had followed Hakyeon at the supermarket, he saw himself follow his suggestion and sat. He told himself that it was the smell of coffee that had tempted him.

Once they were all seated at the table, no one spoke anymore and everyone seemed more interested in their food. Hongbin every now and then threw him wary glances, but he looked pretty busy with the phone to glare at him too often, whereas Sanghyuk threw curious glances between a huge bite of food and another. He tried not to look at Hakyeon as he poured a liter of coffee in his cup and nibbled at a plain pancake.

Slowly some conversation aroused here and there but fortunately, Taekwoon was left alone. Not having a real interest but not being able to filter the noise he heard Hakyeon ask Sanghyuk about school and Hongbin babble of his work in the university library. He tried with all his being to ignore the chatter but it was difficult to ignore them, to filter out the melodic voice of Hakyeon, commenting, laughing, asking. The two boys and Hakyeon seemed to have nothing in common except for the roof over their heads, they led different lives, had different ages and didn’t resemble each other at all so surely there couldn’t be brothers. Yet they acted as a family.

The fork clattered loudly on the plate. Taekwoon had to get out. Now.

"Are you okay?" asked Hakyeon but Taekwoon didn’t want to stay there to hear him, he jumped up and without another word, without even apology or to say thank you in front of such selfless kindness, dashed toward the front door.

It did not matter if he didn’t know where he was. He would walk until he had recognized a familiar part of the city.

"Wait!" came the voice of Hakyeon that managed to stop him before he opened the door, hand on the doorknob.

"We are a couple kilometers away from the community center, in the east part of the city. If you go to the left you will find a bus stop. I would have taken you back ... but I..." the voice of Hakyeon died. Taekwoon tried not to look, but although he did not care anything about himself or of someone who wasn’t his daughter Sunmi, he said that for once he wanted to try again to be someone decent. There was a time when he would have never behaved like that, but that Taekwoon no longer existed, it had died with her that day. So the only thing he, in the end, succeeded to say was feeble whispered, "thank you." Even though he knew it was not enough.

He opened the front door then and ran away.

If he had turned around again, he would have seen Hakyeon smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jaehwan felt that the roles were reversed. Just a couple of days before he had teased Hakyeon for being distracted but now that he knew who was a distraction, Jaehwan found himself prey to the same distraction. Jaehwan never thought of his past, he liked him to stay with his mind in the present, leaving his past where it was, behind him. However, he had never thought to see Taekwoon ever again and certainly not under those circumstances.

Taekwoon had been his classmate and best friend in high school. They were an odd couple of friends, Jaehwan lively and talkative whereas Taekwoon was taciturn and reserved. They liked the same music though and they shared the same degree of malice, for they were the kind of people who enjoyed pulling pranks on the others. Taekwoon had often been the mastermind of the plans Jaehwan then took care to implement.

Jaehwan had been sorry to lose sight of each other after high school, he had been so sorry. But he would have been even more sorry if he had told him the truth, that his life was had turned quite different from the happy one Taekwoon was preparing to live with his soul mate.

What would he say if he knew that Jaehwan had accepted an arranged marriage between zeros when both for years had commented with horror that fate?

Jaehwan could not tell him. So he didn’t, and when their paths took separate ways because of the different choices of life careers, he took the opportunity to put as much distance as possible between himself and Taekwoon, between himself and everything that reminded him of a happy life that would not be returned.

It would have been a new Jaehwan, a new beginning and he would have to live with it.

He had met Hakyeon in college but his friendship with his current colleague and best friend hadn’t cemented until after the facts of the blast, that had changed the lives of so many people, including his. And so instead of an artistic career, Jaehwan had agreed to teach at the community center, to convey to others what he had learned and tried for the second time to bury the past that weighed like a boulder on his chest. He had buried himself  twice and was surprised that he was still standing there.

"Hyung?" Jaehwan roused himself from his thoughts and, in doing so, he saw that Sanghyuk had stopped paying attention to his homework in favor to keep watching Jaehwan intently. He cleared his throat.

"Is everything alright Hyuk? Is there something you don’t understand?" He asked in his most cheerful tone. Sanghyuk looked him up and Jaehwan felt strangely nervous.

Sanghyuk had grown so much, had he not seen him get taller and become a young man before his eyes? So many things had changed but Sanghyuk still looked at him, even after all that time, with the same adoration of when he was thirteen. However, he was no longer a child and under his gaze Jaehwan didn’t know what reaction would have been better to have.

"You look very pensive today, are you sure you’re okay? You are not getting sick, aren’t you?" They were sitting next to each other in the study hall of the community center. Sanghyuk often came to Jaehwan to ask for help with his homework and that Saturday afternoon was no exception. At first, the help had been certainly necessary but Jaehwan suspected that, lately, it hadn't been like that at all. But he had been Sanghyuk’s tutor for years now, ever since Hakyeon had crossed the threshold of the center holding hands with a lost child all alone in the world, and he was used to his role. He had been so innocent and hadn’t deserved not even one of the things that had happened to him. The heart of Jaehwan had tightened at the thought of someone so young experiencing a more severe pain and the same grief he felt. Jaehwan had decided to do something, he had to see the child smile again.

And that was how he had agreed to be his tutor even before Hakyeon had asked him and with time he also became babysitter when Hakyeon worked too much, a friend when he had needed some advice and even their personal chauffeur when later both Sanghyuk and Hongbin had needed a ride because they had missed the bus. Jaehwan had taken him under his wing until he had not seen Sanghyuk become the lively child who he had wished him to be. But now he wondered if there had been something wrong, something unforgivable in his way of educating Sanghyuk. He had wanted to see him smile and had pledged to make it happen but in doing so he had put too much of himself and had ended up misleading his protégé.

So when Sanghyuk leaned forward, his face close on purpose, Jaehwan stiffened. Instinctively he planted his hand on his face preventing him from going further.

"I’m fine. I'm just tired Hyuk,” said Jaehwan trying to remain composed.

"If you say so. It’s not like you to be so silent hyung and I worry. "

"It’s not the duty of the children to worry about the adults. I'm fine, "Jaehwan said waving his hand, trying to minimize.

"I have long since ceased to be a child hyung, you just don’t want to admit it," The blood froze in the older’s veins but he tried to act as if nothing had happened as if what his pupil had just told him, hadn’t affected him in the least.

"Even if it were, being seventeen or eighteen does not make you an adult Sanghyuk. And now stop looking for excuses to forget your homework or no dance classes for you next week. "

 Sanghyuk shook his head and seemed to want to answer, but he realized that his answer would have sounded like the tantrum of a child. So he just shook his head and say, "we'll see," before returning his attention to his duties. Jaehwan sighed. Until when would he be able to maintain the control of the situation before having to get Hakyeon involved? He didn’t want to hurt Sanghyuk, let alone embarrass him but he had to understand that what he believed he wanted, could not be real. But as long as Sanghyuk still listened to him, he would try not to involve his guardian. Yet he also knew that Sanghyuk's eighteenth birthday was approaching and soon Jaehwan would have run out of excuses. Sanghyuk would be by all means an adult and the elder feared that then, the younger would come to claim what he had promised. Jaehwan prayed for that to never happen.

Yet time hadn’t proved him wrong?

Jaehwan had loved this child like it was his own younger brother and had hoped to be for him a brotherly figure, someone he could rely on. But now he lived with the echo of the words of love that Sanghyuk had never missed to renew every year on his birthday, since that first confession when he was fourteen.

"I love you." Jaehwan was checking that the classrooms were in order before he had to close them and leave.

"Oh Sanghyukkie, I'm almost done here, wait for me in the hall and I’ll give you a ride home." Sanghyuk had looked at him with his big frightened eyes.

"Didn’t you hear me hyung, saying I love you?" Jaehwan still thinking the kid was only being his  endearing self, answered, "I love you too, Sanghyuk, a lot." He had approached Sanghyuk then, to ruffle his hair but Sanghyukhad stepped back.

"No, you don’t get it. I mean I love you, really love you. The love you see in romantic movies, the love of the numbers two, the love my mother and my father had shared once. That kind of love." Sanghyuk had said, stomping his feet on the ground. Jaehwan was so shocked that he didn’t know what to say, so he stepped back in turn. What was going on, was he in an alternate world in which everything had turned upside down?

"Sanghyuk, you know that I care for you, you are my student and Hakyeon’s child. You think you love me and that's fine, I feel flattered either way. But I'm the same age as Hakyeon and you're very, very young." He tried to reason.

"I know I'm young. I know I’m still a child," he saw big fat tears forming at the corners of Sanghyuk’s eyes and he wanted to kick himself. He had just succeeded in the one thing he had always wanted to avoid since he had known him. Make him suffer.

"But one day I will not be one anymore. One day I’ll be an adult too, so get ready Lee Jaehwan!"

Jaehwan still smiled at the memory of that statement, violent, and at the same time so pure and innocent. That time he had hugged Sanghyuk like a big brother would have done with his younger brother and had said,

"Then I will prepare. However many things may change over time and it can happen you won’t feel the same in a few years. But I promise if that won’t be the case we'll talk about it. Until then you will remain my student, even though my favorite, and I’ll be your tutor." Jaehwan had tried to be nice, he thought that a white lie would have spared Sanghyuk a pain and that with time the child would have naturally forgotten those words. Everyone, after all, had had a crush on their teacher at least once, but no one was there to tell it years later. So he made that promise with lightness, not really believing he would have to maintain it years later.

But Sanghyuk was seventeen now and in the past three years on his birthday, he had renewed his words of love, again and again.

Jaehwan loved that child as if he were one of his own family, but Sanghyuk still had much to learn, so much of the life to enjoy and he was too young to understand that he, Jaehwan, was the worst number zero he could ever choose. It was his job to make him understand, even if it meant breaking not only his heart but his own too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for being late, lately my schedule is all messed up due to my new job! Hope you'll like this (hyuken is going to be so fun) and let me know what you think. Feedback is always appreciated it ;)


	4. 00.2

00.2

  
  


  
  


Every Sunday morning Wonshik had the habit to go to Hongbin's house.

It had been their routine ever since they were little and no obstacles, no matter how much time had brought, had succeeded in interrupting that. Moreover, Wonshik was always happy to spend more time with his playmate.

Wonshik had never raised more questions than necessary of why a bond that looked so special, almost odd, from the outside, felt instead so normal to him. Their relationship had always made sense to him and it had made sense even afterward when the truth had come to light and Wonshik had found out that his best friend was not the number zero that everyone had believed, he was instead a number two just like him.

It didn't matter, really, it didn't matter if Hongbin was zero, two, or blue, because his friend would always be the sarcastic, competitive but terribly precious Lee Hongbin he knew and he would have always loved him whatever status was written on his passport. However, his friend thought otherwise, to Hongbin it was the end of the world and since the day he had come to know the truth, things had started spiraling down and Wonshik had sworn that he would do anything it took to take him back from the labyrinth in which he had lost himself. Anything.

His grandmother was watching him over her teacup with that look that as a child, Wonshik had seen all the times he had done something wrong and he had been discovered. It wasn't exactly a look of disapproval but it was still a scary look, though, the kind of look that pierced his heart and encouraged him to spill the beans. His grandmother never got angry at him (although that time he and Hongbin had ruined the newly blooming rose garden she was really close) and they had always been close. It was rare for the two of them to disagree over a matter.

Yet on this, they would never come to an agreement.

"Are you going to Hongbin's?"

Wonshik had stopped for a moment from chewing his sandwich to watch his grandmother in the eye. They exchanged glances for a brief moment, then he nodded vigorously. His grandmother asked him that same question every Sunday even though she already knew the answer.

"Bring with you some baked cookies then," her grandmother said.

His grandmother was fond of Hongbin and she loved Sanghyuk and Hakyeon dearly as well. She treated them as if they were her own grandchildren and wanted them to be healthy and happy, the same way in which she wanted her only grandson to be. That was why she didn't understand the silence of Wonshik and neither his decision.

"I thought you made them for me," said Wonshik sulking.

His grandmother laughed lightly, "too many sweets aren't good for your health," she said. "Besides I made them with the chocolate chips and you know that those are Sanghyukkie's favorite."

Wonshik sighed dramatically even though he knew that his grandmother would have cooked him a new batch the next afternoon. She was like that, she had a big heart and was the best person Wonshik had ever known. But this time he was going to do it his own way because it was the right thing to do.

Silently, in secrecy, till the end.

After he had finished breakfast, Wonshik walked toward the bus stop to go to Hakyeon's house. It was a familiar path that put him in a good mood and it was probably his favorite stretch of road.

When he rang the bell though, he wasn't welcomed by the usual mischievous smile of Hongbin, or the bright smile of Hakyeon, but by the face of a rather sheepish Sanghyuk.

"Ah Wonshik, it took you forever," said Sanghyuk taking him by the wrist and making him hurriedly step in. Wonshik blinked, puzzled. Sanghyuk's behavior could only mean that something had happened and that made him frown. Sanghyuk must have noticed his expression turning grim then, because he tried to smile, waving a hand to minimize.

"It's nothing serious hyung, don't make that face. Hakyeon and Hongbin had one of their discussions and the result is that now they are both angry and disappointed at the same time, "

Sanghyuk said, rolling his eyes dramatically as if he couldn't understand why the adults in the house liked to be so difficult. Yet Wonshik knew that he actually had to be very worried, he could tell by the stiffness of his shoulders and the apprehensive look that his manners could not disguise.

Wonshik, with a note of nostalgia, wondered when Sanghyuk had grown so much. He remembered a little boy, skinny limbs and full cheeks. He remembered the cheerful smile that would be painted on the kid's face every time he and Hongbin invited him to join them in a game. And now instead there he was, probably the tallest of all of them, his shoulders broadened and his facial features sharpened yet still looking young but with eyes which showed a higher sensitivity than his peers. The child who was raised and taken care by everyone with great affection, had become the young adult who cared for the adults who loved.

Wonshik sighed.

"What happened?" He asked following Sanghyuk in the kitchen and putting the bag with cookies on the table. Of Hakyeon, who used to cook in the kitchen every Sunday, there was not sight. Sanghyuk however, instead of replying, as soon as he eyed the bag Wonshik had brought, decided that cookies were a better option than answering and therefore he did not say anything until he had bitten a cookie. He groaned in pleasure. Here it comes again our boy, Wonshik thought.

"It's a long story," said Sanghyuk before biting another cookie and the older knew that he would not dig anything else. Wonshik ruffled the younger's hair making Sanghyuk scoff in disapproval. The only one who could do that gesture and come out unscathed was, in fact, Jaehwan.

Wonshik decided it was time to move upstairs, to Hongbin's and Sanghyuk's bedroom. By now that was like a second home to him and he moved with great familiarity. He found Hongbin seated at his desk, going through a textbook without actually really seeing it. He paused in the doorway watching him. The bedroom of Hongbin and Sanghyuk showed the two different personalities of the two boys: there was a side where the bed was done nicely and the shelves with books were impeccably tidy, the wall full of colorful pictures and interesting articles. That was Hongbin's half; the part of Sanghyuk instead had the bed unmade, posters of celebrities were attached on the walls and old vintage CDs were piled on the nightstand next to the bed.

The house was not very big and it surely wasn't easy to not have his own room but Wonshik knew that Hongbin, despite his protests about Sanghyuk's snoring, was actually happy to share the space. They had in fact offered accommodation at the university along with a scholarship but Hongbin had not even taken the offer into consideration. At that time he said something like how annoying it would have been to move his things and that the university was not that far, it was better, then, to leave the accommodation to those who really needed it. The truth was that his attachment to the house in which he had again found peace and happiness, as well as his attachment to what he saw as a brother, were so deep that he couldn't even take into consideration the idea of leaving. Not until Sanghyuk had grown up and had decided what to do with his life and not until Hakyeon had stopped worrying always about everything and everyone.

Hongbin looked up at the sound of his footsteps and gave him a smile, hesitant and a bit weak but still genuine. Wonshik walked the few steps that separated them and sat on Hongbin's bed at the same time Hongbin turned to look at him properly. Wonshik noticed that his eyes were a bit shiny but he made no comment about it because he knew that his best friend was too proud.

"What happened?" Asked Wonshik for the second time that day, hoping that Hongbin would be more eloquent than Sanghyuk.

His friend shook his head as if he did not want to speak but then said, as if that name enclosed the whole concept, "Hakyeon." Wonshik had to stop himself from letting out a half smile.

Hakyeon and Hongbin shared a strange relationship that was not always easy. Between them, there couldn't be a father and son relationship as there was between Sanghyuk and Hakyeon. Sanghyuk had only been thirteen when Hakyeon had taken him and raised him. For Sanghyuk it was so much easier to follow the advice and teachings of Hakyeon than it would ever be for Hongbin. The latter had been young when he had crossed the threshold of the house, but he had seen enough for the innocence that Sanghyuk still had despite everything, would no longer be there. He was still young and he was certainly someone to look after lovingly, but he was also a sixteen year old with his ideas and who had made the choices of an adult already at his age. Hakyeon must have realized that with Hongbin would be different and that's why he never tried to impose on him, he resolved to stay vigilant, to give advice and to shower him with all the love he could muster.

Wonshik knew that, in turn, Hongbin was very fond of Hakyeon, much more than he would ever be able to express in words. But there was more. There was a sense of immense gratitude his friend felt for Hakyeon, not only because the older had welcomed him in his house but also for the respect Hakyeon had shown towards him, for not having wanted to change him even if he did not agree and for having always, always, taken into account his feelings. For someone who was raised in a house where for years they had trampled on them without his consent or knowledge, so cruelly, that had meant everything. However, the years had passed and even though most of Hongbin's wounds had healed, time could do nothing about the truth of his status that his friend lived with silent distress. The worst was that he didn't want to talk to anyone about it, not even with Wonshik, and the more time it passed, the more Hongbin felt decentralized and things that previously weren't considered a problem, suddenly became one, and his insecurities kept coming back with alarming pace.

"You will need to say something more, you know, I haven't developed mind reading abilities even if with you I go very close."

Hongbin rolled his eyes.

“Between the two of us the open book isn't certainly me," commented Hongbin and Wonshik had to bite his tongue to avoid the slightest sound. It hit him, then, the terrifying thought that protecting someone meant having to accept to lie to him every day.

Wonshik raised an eyebrow as if to say to Hongbin to just give up and come clean once and for all.

"Hakyeon brought a stranger in the house in the middle of a night, a drunk stranger. He needed help, he said! I know that this is technically not my house and that Hakyeon is a grown ass adult and can do whatever he wants, but Sanghyuk lives here and he is still a child and it could have been dangerous. I do not care if Hakyeon says Jaehwan knows him, it was probably a million years ago and people can change. I...know that very well " his friend said, clenching his fists in frustration.

"You know this is also your house and Hakyeon himself thinks of this house as his, yours and Sanghyuk's. Hakyeon is well, Hakyeon. He has a tendency to want to fix everything and everyone and I get that’s irritating, but he would never endanger you. "

"Maybe," said Hongbin not wanting to admit defeat. "But not everyone is Sanghyuk, not everyone deserves to be saved and I'm afraid that one day it will end very badly,"

Wonshik sighed. It was likely that Hongbin still felt a deep sense of guilt when it came to his situation. Hakyeon had made sacrifices to make Hongbin go to university and fix his family matters. Hongbin felt responsible and, at the same time, he believed he did not to deserved that at all. He didn't understand that love doesn’t have to be deserved, it was just given.

"I guess you didn't express the concept so kindly,"

"It can be," Hongbin admitted looking the other way. "But I'm still angry, okay? He could have told us beforehand, I don't know, ask, before deciding to do his own thing, "

Ah. It was then that Wonshik really understood the situation. He thought it was just a matter of guilt, but in fact, the problem was much deeper: the generosity of Hakyeon had inadvertently ended up undermining the fragile sense of security that Hongbin had built. It was not that he did not consider their home as his, but he had seen that gesture as an intrusion, as if with Hakyeon accepting someone new, it would eventually drive out the old. Hakyeon had surely come to that same conclusion and that was why he was hurt and angry and that stupid quarrel wasn't resolved yet. Hakyeon must have felt very angry with himself. Now he understood why Sanghyuk had been so excited to leave the buck to him. Sanghyuk never knew which parts to take when his older brother and the person who he pretty much considered a father, quarreled with each other.

"Maybe you're right, but I'm sure you know you are exaggerating. When you get angry you can be really ... "

"Mean? Hateful, terrifying? "

"I wanted to say intense," Wonshik retorted with a vague smile.

"Don't make that face. I know you're laughing at me, "

"I could never,"

Hongbin shook his head.

"Yeah I know I'll have to apologize. But not now. At the moment I'm finding it hard." Hongbin said wrinkling his nose in a funny way.

Wonshik laughed at the outraged expression of Hongbin, which earned him a punch on the arm by his best friend. Wonshik wailed in fake pain.

"Don't be a wimp, we both know it didn't hurt a bit."

Wonshik rolled on the bed pretending to be in excruciating pain. Hongbin looked at him with disdain but then a smile slowly worked his way onto his face.

"You are such a fool," he said throwing a pillow at him. Wonshik was hit in the face but it made him smile even more. He took the pillow in his arms and he slid down one the mattress till he lied on his back, staring at Hongbin upside down. Hongbin looked at him for a contemplative moment, as if he was unsure whether to resume his pretending study session or just surrender to laziness. Of course, the second option won and with a snort, he laid down beside Wonshik. The bed was too narrow for two tall guys like the two of them and their arms curled inevitably but to Wonshik it was probably the most comfortable position in the world. It reminded him of when they were little and Hongbin came to his house in search of refuge. Wonshik hoped with all his heart to be able to calm him as he was able to back then. Hongbin was the bravest person he'd ever known, but he had been fighting for so long that he was afraid that one day he would run out of energy. He would never allow that and he knew Hakyeon and Sanghyuk wouldn’t either.

He felt Hongbin trying to adjust better but then, since there was little room, he ended up turning on his side, facing Wonshik, and the latter felt suddenly warm. It was a position like any other, they had been lying like that a million times before, but ultimately it was increasingly difficult to control his reactions.

Wonshik tried to think of something else and fortunately, something that Hongbin had told him helped him.

"Wait a moment. You said Jaehwan knew this guy? "Wonshik asked in amazement. Nobody, not even Hakyeon, knew anything about the past of Jaehwan before his eighteen years. Hakyeon certainly knew something more but it was not much anyway.

"That's right. So goodbye to our theory that Jaehwan popped out from under a cabbage, "

"I always thought he had materialized from the condensation of the stratosphere," Wonshik replied thoughtfully.

"Come on, you know what the stratosphere actually is?"

"It's good to know how much faith you put into my intelligence," Wonshik said, turning slightly in turn. Hongbin was so close, so damn close that he could clearly see every detail of his face, from his dark lashes to his lips slightly chapped. He decided it was better to go back and look at the ceiling.

"Anyway, yes. This guy seems to be linked to the past of Jaehwan. And that's why Sanghyuk is not here to force me to make peace with Hakyeon. He's currently freaking out internally, " Wonshik smiled.

"Ah love. Love makes you do strange things, " Wonshik commented.

"Which is why I refuse to ever fall in love," sentenced Hongbin. Wonshik kept looking at the ceiling with great determination.

Silently, from the distance, till the end.

Wonshik thought, hoped then that the conversation was over there but a few seconds later Hongbin whispered.

"By the way. I have a favor to ask, "

Wonshik sighed internally.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


Hakyeon hated arguing with the kids. He hated even more to be aware that, even if indirectly, it had been his fault. When he decided to take in Sanghyuk and Hongbin, he had promised himself to make them feel loved, always, and to give them a place they could call home. Yet Hakyeon felt he had failed. He used to say he knew all about his children, however, hadn't he just walked ungracefully all over Hongbin's feelings?

He sighed. It was yet another day at work and things at home were not yet settled. They both wanted to apologize but he didn't know how. "Didn't you think about us?” Hongbin had screamed and that question still echoed in the head.

He was deeply sorry and didn't know how to fix it. The relationship he had with his protégé was an uncommon one, and not always the easiest. His circumstances, in fact, had been very different from those of Sanghyuk, Hongbin had been older in age when Hakyeon bumped into him and, although frightened, the boy reasoned as an adult and had faced very painful things even when young, somehow miraculously managing to remain pure at heart. Hakyeon knew Hongbin was strong enough go on his path with his only resources, but the path that laid in front of him was fraught with challenges and obstacles and those were likely to hurt him even more and perhaps irreparably.

Hakyeon could not bear to see him face everything and see that everything ruin him.

So he took Hongbin with him and had never regretted having done so. Watching Hongbin satisfied and able to live his life as the best of his possibilities, it was his greatest satisfaction. But the older knew he himself was not perfect and sometimes he happened to make decisions without thinking too much about the consequences.

Hence, he could have helped Taekwoon in another way. Yet he had decided to proceed like that and it hadn't been a very happy choice.

"You know that everything will be alright," Jaehwan said making his appearance on the threshold. He looked paler than usual, his hair was a mess and he looked like he needed a good night of sleep. But he had his usual big smile on his face and he was holding two cups of steaming tea in his hands.

Hakyeon smiled in turn and took a cup of tea from his hand. Jaehwan sat beside him on the bench of the break lounge for the staff of the community center. Hakyeon felt scrutinized under the intense gaze of his friend over the cup. He tilted his head.

"I know that Binnie will forgive me, he is too good, but honestly I don't think I deserve it. I am very angry with myself and also very worried. After all this time I thought Hongbin had started to feel safe, " Hakyeon shook his head sadly. He had thought it was all right that Hongbin’s refusal to know who was his soul mate when he turned eighteen, was something that would pass, that would not undermine his security. But nothing changed and now Hakyeon could see this fear was becoming a serious issue.

"Some wounds are harder to heal, no matter how much time passes. This doesn't mean that Hongbin doesn't love you or that he doesn't think of your house as his home. But he is so young. Do you remember how we were at his age? I'll tell you how we were, we were a walking disaster. Hongbin's doing well. He will probably stumble sometimes because that is life, you know that it is inevitable, but you, me, Sanghyuk will be there for him. And Wonshik too. You know he would give an arm just to soften his fall," Jaehwan said, smiling at the thought of the young friend of Hongbin. That guy was one of the healthiest and most positive people Jaehwan had ever known, a person with his heart in the right place.

The words of Jaehwan had managed to snatch a smile from Hakyeon. They all came from different families, they had different status and God only knew whether their past were among the oddest possible, yet they were family, bound to each other like it was meant to be.

"Maybe you're right. But this doesn't mean that I shouldn't stop and think better next time "

"This won't hurt you for sure," said Jaehwan in deliberately cheeky tone, making Hakyeon laugh. He and Jaehwan had known each other for many years, since the days when Hakyeon studied dance at the Academy and Jaehwan instead was studying to become a teacher. It had been only after a while that Hakyeon had discovered the talent of Jaehwan in music and consequentially proceeded to ask Seokjin to offer him a job and luckily his friend had accepted.

Jaehwan was noisy and kind and he wasn't afraid to tell Hakyeon his opinion openly, with honesty. They had been friends for years and Hakyeon loved him a lot, yet there was a hint of sadness that occasionally peeked in his eyes and no matter how willing and generous Jaehwan was with him and his children, there was a part of his heart that had always been precluded to the others and that his friend kept hidden with violent despair, as if he feared that if someone dared to see that corner of himself, they would have left him forever.

That corner was called the past and his friend looked terrified at the thought of opening that door.

Hakyeon had hoped that with time Jaehwan would eventually open up, but the years had passed and the wall that protected that space had become thicker.

Then, all of a sudden, Hakyeon came across with Taekwoon and it had been the first light after years of fog.

"Tell me about Taekwoon," Hakyeon asked gently, hoping that his tone was soft enough. The reaction was instantaneous. Jaehwan tensed on the bench beside him, but this time Hakyeon wasn't going to let the subject drop.

Jaehwan looked around and then looked at his friend. There had to be something different in his face because for the first time Hakyeon saw his shoulders sag and saw him exhale a sigh of defeat.

"I guess you won't surrender this time, right?" Jaehwan said resignedly. "Taekwoon had too much of an impact for you to pass up this time," he continued with a surge of humor. Hakyeon opened his mouth in shock.

"It is absolutely not true! I tried to make you talk for years and I was dying to drown you with questions, but you've always been terribly good at dodging them! It's not only about Taekwoon! " Exclaimed Hakyeon outraged and that seemed to amuse Jaehwan.

"I know, I was just kidding." His friend granted. However, they both knew very well that Taekwoon was someone who Hakyeon could never ignore because Hakyeon had done so, he had too big of a heart that seemed to have endless space to put in more people to love. And if there was nothing that would attract more Hakyeon that was the pain of the others. Because there had been a moment in his life when he had found himself broken but someone had helped him and this had made the difference.

Jaehwan closed his eyes. Probably there was no better person for Taekwoon than having Hakyeon in his life, but he also knew that his friend had the habit to lose his heart very easily and it did not help at all that Taekwoon was also his type. Moreover, the last time he had seen Taekwoon, Jaehwan had known him a happy number two.

"Taekwoon was my classmate in high school. We lost contact after graduation. I haven't seen him since then, " Jaehwan said with a sad smile on his lips. Hakyeon wanted to protest because those few words could not even minimally cover everything he wanted to know. If they had lost contact like people normally do when they grew up why Jaehwan had that face and why it looked like he hadn't slept well because of this?

"I don't know what happened to him, seeing him like that shocked me greatly. The last memory I have of him was of a happy Taekwoon, "concluded Jaehwan.

"Time can play tricks on people and this is not a nice world, "Hakyeon said, averting his eyes and staring at the wall.

"I hope he's okay," He said after a while. Wherever Taekwoon was, Hakyeon hoped he was managing to get on to his feet even if he wasn't going to see him ever again.

"I hope so too."

  
  


  
  


  
  


Hakyeon had sent Jaehwan at home and had taken charge of closing the center with the excuse that he had to remain till late to review some documents. His friend looked so tired he seemed about to fall at any moment and Hakyeon for once hadn't been so eager to go home. Coward, he told himself, but it was true. If there was one thing he was afraid of, it was disappointing the kids.

So, he stayed till late, trying to buy time and maybe find the right words to apologize and at the same time to reassure Hongbin.

He was peacefully browsing through some documents then, engrossed with his task, when sudden dull sound pierced the quiet of the evening. Hakyeon stayed startled for a moment then like in autopilot he ran toward the source of the noise, his heart beating a thousand a mile. A spray can hit the atrium window and ended up crashing the glass like a rocket and collided with the inside wall. Hakyeon sighed, he did not understand why some people could be so much against the center, they weren't doing anything bad, they were just a school. However, as unfortunate as it was, the episode was by no mean an isolated one and would have ended with yet another call to the police if it weren't for the voices he heard coming from the street. One of these voices was eerily similar to that of his Hongbin.

Without a second thought Hakyeon ran outside, rushed into the street, oblivious to the fact that he had only a pen as a weapon because the most important thing was to reach Hongbin. He saw some figures escape and dash in front of him. With a pounding heart, he turned the corner, afraid of what he could find.

Hongbin was in the middle of the lane, he had unkempt hair and he looked a bit scared but he seemed at first glance, in excellent health. Hakyeon flung himself on him, though, to make sure he was in one piece, hands resting on his cheeks moving his head in search of scratches.

"Hongbin are you okay? For heaven's sake, tell me you're okay! What were you doing here at this time of the day and why you didn't tell you were coming!” Hakyeon started to say fussing like a mother.

"Hakyeon I'm fine, I'm in one piece," said Hongbin escaping his attention but not unkindly. "Thanks to him, though. Maybe it's best if you take a look at him, hyung."

It was then that Hakyeon saw another figure on the sidelines, who was leaning against the wall not illuminated by the streetlight. He had a bruise on his jaw and rivulets of blood that dripped from his right temple, but he looked more sober than Hakyeon had ever seen him and also more alive.

Hakyeon approached him as if he could not believe he was meeting him again. He immediately closed the distance between them, concerned painted on his features, then using the sleeve of his sweater, he tried to stop the blood of the man's wound.

Taekwoon shivered as someone who was not accustomed to human touch since forever.

But he didn't run away.

 


	5. 00.3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you to my "Peaches and Cream" Yoonie for the support. Secondly. I'm so sorry for the delay but my life is chaos. XD I managed to update though and hopefully I won't have such a long pause like this! thank you all <3

00.3

  
It was funny how life enjoyed flipping you around just to bring you back to where you promised to never go.

They were just pure twists of fate, pure coincidences, Taekwoon kept repeating that to himself. It had been a mere fate that the center was exactly along the way home, just like how it was also an accident that he had forgotten to avoid the road that night and impromptuly ended up on that street.

No, it could not have been the guilty feeling that had pushed him to wander through the secluded street, near the center. How could it be, when Taekwoon had too much sense of guilt within himself like icy water filling up his lungs, occasionally threatening to burst out all at once. But then, it still kept him breathing painfully, to possibly have some room left for more culpability. Especially towards a stranger.

Hakyeon.

Taekwoon mind drifted off to that curiously unusual man who picked up broken things, brought them to his home, and tried to put them back together, as if it was the most normal thing to do in the world. It is called kindness, a voice had suggested in his head, but for a long time, he could not comprehend what that word meant. Or maybe he had known about it far too well, because it was a trait that belonged to her and with her, it had vanished completely from his life. Even though he had endured himself to remain behind, to live for what was left of their love and their daughter Sunmi, it was certainly impossible to do it as a whole person.

Honestly, he was convinced he did not have more room to feel anything else anymore, and yet that night he found himself strolling down the same way where the center was located. Driven by what, and for what crazy urgency, he did not know.

Subsequently, he did not remember what kind of invisible force drove him to even acknowledge the young man who was arguing with the other men. But he could clearly recognize the moody brat who had so graciously given him a ‘Good Morning’ that time he had woken up in the stranger’s home. Most unexpectedly, it irked him in particular that he had not just decided to look away when he saw him in trouble.

"It just looks bad but luckily the cut is not deep. I forgot that head injuries tend to bleed more and often give people a great scare," Hakyeon said while putting the antiseptic after having cleaned the wound on his temple. The man had not wanted to hear any excuses, and he had dragged Taekwoon, a surprising gesture that revealed that the latter had greater physical strength than what his deceitful lean figure suggested.

Eventually, Hakyeon had made him sit on a bench at the atrium, after having given instruction to the brat, Hongbin; if Taekwoon remembered well, was to go and pick up the emergency kit. Judging from a hushed sigh that Hongbin let out upon hearing the other’s instruction, he had seemed grateful to be able to get up, even if briefly. Taekwoon had actually remarked that it must have seemed bizarre to have to thank someone, whom you had antagonized so much, not even a couple of days before.  
Taekwoon’s brows furrowed.  
He had certainly not acted with this intent, he had behaved like that because...well, Taekwoon did not yet know why.

He remained still and observed silently as Hakyeon unwrapped some bandages. Shortly after, he felt finger-tips pressing gently on his temple, as the latter proceeded to try and wrap the thin dressing around his head. The man in front of him looked like he was lost in concentration, that caused him to even vaguely worried; even though he looked less perturbed than how he had looked a quarter of an hour before. Unintentionally, his eyes fell on Hakyeon's sweater, which was mercilessly smeared all over – completely dark and dirty with blood. That particular piece of clothes was definitely ruined, and yet that baffling man had not cared about it at all, when he used it to stop the blood.

He’s really weird, Taekwoon thought.

Hakyeon then glanced up at him abruptly, meeting his eyes and Taekwoon decided to look down on the ground because the other’s stare made him uncomfortable, especially with those intruding eyes of his that seemed to read his mind as if it were an open book.

"Alright, it’s all done. I know the bandage isn’t the best but at least we're sure the wound won’t reopen," he assured with a tone that had his usual liveliness. Taekwoon wondered when he began to associate that particular term with this person. Besides, the other male’s temperament should not even matter to him, yet it was undeniable that his presence radiated a pleasant warmth. Hakyeon looked too sincere, too affectionate, and it was starting to make him a little bit out of place.

That was exactly why Taekwoon tried to get up and walk away, to flee from those stupid thoughts he did not need, but the man put his hands on his shoulders and graciously held it back.

"If I were you I wouldn’t do it unless you want to fall like a potato sack," Hakyeon cautioned with a teasing tone, amused but his eyes still emphasised his firm warning. Taekwoon wanted to protest but he was aware of his fragile state due to his head injury and also, a slight feeling of nausea was starting to creep up into his brain.

"Hongbin, would you mind staying here and check Taekwoon? I'm going to take the car and park in front of the center." Hakyeon directed as he made a move towards the exist.  
"Hyung, it's not a problem, I can go..." Hongbin tried to suggest, but Hakyeon's peremptory look was enough to silence whatever protest coming from the young man's mouth: ‘And what? Risk your safety again?’ the older male’s stare seemed to say. Taekwoon then witnessed how Hongbin quickly nodded obediently and took a seat in the chair in front of him without any further protest.

Deciding that there was not much more interesting things to observe anymore, Taekwoon closed his eyes, as his mind focused on the sound of footsteps in the background. As he entered into a little world of his own with just him and his thoughts, his mind started to bombard him with many impending questions.

What was he still doing there? He had to leave, go home, and forget this stupid accident.

"Thank you, you know." They were the most reluctant words of gratitude that Taekwoon had ever heard, yet Hongbin, the brat, had uttered them.

Taekwoon wanted to stay with his eyes closed, and maybe pretend that he had already fallen asleep, but the embarrassed tone of the other triggered something inside him that almost made him smile. A few seconds later, he gradually opened his eyes, only to find the image of the boy looking over him at the other side.

"You don’t have to thank me," Taekwoon muttered with a sigh. There was nothing to thank really, it merely was just a congenital reflection of what had once been Jung Taekwoon.

"You helped me," Hongbin replied, as if the other’s apparent lack of acceptance to his thankful words was the most brutal of the insults.

"I didn’t help you," the other answered weakly, closing his eyes again. God, his head was pulsing so badly that it was beginning to feel like it might just crack open at that very instant.

"What was it then?" asked Hongbin, using a distrustful tone. The other male had aided him and he was just being appreciative about it; he did not understand how such a straightforward thing seemed so complicated.

"A reflex."

A dead silence followed his words, but after a while, a loud roar of laughter broke off the quiet ambience of the night. Slightly confounded by the latter’s unanticipated laugh, Taekwoon opened his eyes lazily, to check what the other was so amused about, only to be confronted by the little brat’s remark.

"Sanghyuk says I'm constipated, but you've got it a lot worse."

If Taekwoon were still the Taekwoon of the past, he would not hesitate to glare at the brat with a look that would be enough to force the boy to stumble onto the floor and hide behind the first corner he could find. Instead, he realized that, in the state that he was, it was too much for him to even pretend to be taken seriously.  
He sighed his frustration out, wearily.

"Are you enjoying yourself without me?"

Luckily, he was saved from the pain of having to invent an excuse he did not want to give, all thanked to Hakyeon's return. Despite the fact that there was still a veil of concern in his gaze, he gave off a pleasant reassuring air. Taekwoon did not know if he felt more annoyed that the latter was interested in him enough to be aware of his moods or the fact that he was always so genuinely helpful.

Anger, a sense of protection, irritation, discomfort: Those were only some of the emotions that Taekwoon was no longer accustomed to allowing himself to feel again. That was why he had even decided to forego his chance to fight for Sunmi’s custody, and had entrusted her to the care of her in-laws: He did not trust himself enough with it.

How could he be a father if he was now a scavenger of a human being?

As he glanced over at Hakyeon, he realised that he should have got up and walked away like the first time he woke up in a stranger's living room. But something kept him there, something he could not name yet.

"The car is parked out here. We can go guys,” Hakyeon announced as he approached them. Hongbin then immediately rose to his feet, ready to go home, but Taekwoon stayed where he was.

"Did you really think I was going to let you go home alone in that conditions?" Hakyeon questioned, tilting his head slightly to the side as if he was quite disappointed in the injured male. Taekwoon thought for a moment for an excuse. However, he was well aware that he would probably lose any verbal discussion with that man.

Hongbin flashed him a slight funny smile, which had a lot of suggestive meanings behind that Taekwoon did not want to know or even think about. Sighing internally, however, he decided to follow them.  
When he saw Hakyeon's car though a flashback of the said man, carrying him and making him sit on the passenger seat, crossed his mind. He felt the sudden warmth of a flush of heat passing over his face as he climbed into the car unable to look at the others, especially Hakyeon, in the eyes.

"Taekwoon you will have to tell me where you live though. I would like to leave you home first so you can rest, even though I don’t really know how good of an idea is for you to rest now. Who knows maybe you might have a concussion, and it is not advisable for you to sleep in that case,” Hakyeon muttered to himself as he set the car into motion.

Taekwoon merely whispered the name of the street followed by a, "I do not sleep" before returning his attention out of the window.

"Oh well good. Wait! Not really. Not sleeping is definitely not a good thing, although I guess that in this particular case maybe it'll be useful. When I can’t sleep I always drink some infusion. Of course you can also buy it at the supermarket but there is the mother of this kid in the center that prepares the infusions at home and I have to say that they are very good and they work. If you pass by the center I can give you some," Hakyeon offered, as he continued to speak, totally unfazed by the silence.

"Though maybe it’s better if you pass by in a couple of days. I think tomorrow, I will be too busy settling this chaos. I have to find a glazier,” he concluded, shaking his head.

Those words cause Taekwoon to sink further into his seat. The window was actually his fault. Indeed, in the urge to defend that little brat, he had ended up provoking the thugs. Eventually it resulted in one of the incensed men throwing a can at him, which had ended up breaking the glass window.

Taekwoon opened his mouth as if to say something but Hongbin interrupted him, "Hakyeon, tomorrow we will all help you, so please catch your breath and relax."

"Maybe you are right, Hongbin, I'm just a little agitated right now, but the idea of knowing that you were in danger ... Thank God you were there Taekwoon," Hakyeon said and Taekwoon did not even have to turn to know he was smiling at him. He decided to look ostentatiously at the other side, shrugging. He really did not need to witness the other’s smile that was directed at him.

The trip continued in silence but fortunately did not last long, Taekwoon lived very close to the center, enough to be able to make his way from his office to his home quietly on foot.

The car stopped in front of the uncultivated driveway. As always, he felt a punch in his stomach at the sight of his home: All bathed in shadows, with no light lit to welcome his return. The pathetic look of an empty house made him feel dejected, every single time.

"Here we are," Taekwoon opened the door quickly, his fragile self-control that threatened to slip from his fingers, at all times threatening to spill there in that moment. He had to be alone, he could not withstand the feeling of those odd sensations. That was why he got drunk every night. He had always ended up intoxicated but he still could not sleep because when he closed his eyes, in the solitude of his room, he returned to his roused emotions automatically and it was too much for him. At the same time, it would never be enough either. Because the torturous feelings and the haunting memories, coming back to him and knowing they were the only thing he had left, was unbearable to accept.

"Taekwoon," the other man had called him when he reached the threshold of his own house. Taekwoon did not turn around, his shoulders were still the only thing Hakyeon could see but he did stop for a moment.

"The center is always open for you," the other stated, before lifting the window of the car and driving away. Left alone again in the quiet night, Taekwoon slipped the key into the locker and entered the darkness of the house.  
  
  
  
  
Hongbin woke up abruptly, and his eyes shuttered wide opened as he tried to adjust to the darkness of the room.

Even though his body was still stiff from sleep, he rose up slightly, trying to figure out what exactly had disturbed his so well-deserved rest. Then, a grunt on the other side of the room, followed by the unmistakable snoring of Sanghyuk gave him the answer. Hongbin then reminded himself that he should not have been surprised because Sanghyuk had been giving cacophonic concerts worthy of the finest among deaf musicians for over a year now. Hongbin wanted to take the cushion and throw it on his head, but even with his vision still blurred by the remnants of sleep, it was so obvious that Sanghyuk was resting well and no matter how much of a brat he might be, he did not have the heart to wake the other up.

He gave a slight puff, as his head fell back on the pillow.  
Sanghyuk was like a little brother to him. Ever since they had started living together:Two moody teenagers who suddenly had to share the room, it had been clear to Hongbin that he would be anything but doting towards the younger.

It was impossible not to do so, because Sanghyuk was so open, funny, and certainly, so not fragile, even though his appearance back then was that of a boy with long legs and full cheeks. In fact, Sanghyuk had the beautiful quality to care for everyone, while not taking things to heart at the same time.

Hongbin had never had to walk on his tiptoes around him, since he could always be himself, and after having lived in a house where this concept was like an alien, Sanghyuk had been a gift sent from heaven.

It was not like with Wonshik of course, because with his best friend, he could be himself because Wonshik was well, Wonshik; He would have liked Hongbin either way. On the other hand, with Sanghyuk he could be himself simply because the younger was strong enough not to be intimidated by any of his mood swings and he even had his shoulders wide enough to be able to kick him off and come out in one piece whenever Hongbin would feel exaggerated.

It was not bad too, that Sanghyuk had a sense of improper humor and a bit imprudent ways that matched so well with Hongbin's sarcastic tongue. He could not help but beam as he thought of that child and the people in his life, in general.

"We are your Hongbin family. And as long as I and Sanghyuk will be here, you'll always have a place to come back."

Hongbin rolled on the bed, suddenly embarrassed, as he remembered the conversation he had just the night before.

On the way back home from his improvised and reluctant savior house, Hakyeon had remained quiet and Hongbin for a moment had been afraid to be in trouble. Not many days before, they had had a terrible quarrel and Hongbin had blurted out very mean things, even denying what Hakyeon had done for him. He had regretted those words the very moment they left his mouths, especially after seeing the effect they had on Hakyeon.

Hakyeon had never ignored their feelings, he had always made sure, often exaggerating, that they felt comfortable, trying to fulfill all their needs and wishes. To the point that, as the years passed and the pile of things Hakyeon had done for them grew exponentially, Hongbin’s anxiety only kept increasing at the same pace, afraid to never being able to repay him for everything he had done for them.

Yet after Hakyeon had parked the car in the driveway, and entered the house, with a worried Sanghyuk waiting for them in the living room, Hakyeon had not reproached him as Hongbin was dreadfully fearful o. However, he did not allow him to take more than five steps before crushing him into a hug, as if the venomous words that Hongbin had addressed to him had never existed.

Hongbin had felt lost and confused because he did not believe he deserved such benevolence, even so he was also intimately grateful.

"You cannot put your feelings in an equation and believe that to every action corresponds a reaction, Hongbin. I understand your way of thinking, but Hakyeon hyung doesn’t act like that because he expects something from us. Well, except for washing the dishes and putting the kitchen in order, which given your compulsive mania for order and cleaning, that will never be a problem," Sanghyuk had told him distractedly as he sucked the tip of a pen, making Hongbin's nose wrinkle in disgust.

Hongbin understood this but, sometimes, certain concepts were hard to comprehend and absorb when all his life he had grown up with a certain mental pattern. He knew that Hakyeon was different, that this house was different from the last one, but sometimes the persistent fear, the one who brought him to Hakyeon's sixteen-year-old home door, gushed back to him and made him think irrationally.

Hongbin admitted that everything had become more difficult after he turned eighteen.

Because Lee Hongbin had a soulmate somewhere, that was waiting for him.

Perhaps in another life, in another universe, this fact would kept him elated instead of terrorizing him to death. When he was eighteen, Hongbin had almost been taken by a panic attack at the concept of soulmates, succeeding in the intent of worrying both Hakyeon and Sanghyuk.

He had not been ready to know who his soul mate was, and he feared he would never be.

In a matter of facts, he was satisfied with the current situation, so why change? He had a home, a family, dear, beloved friends. So why change everything for something he had always felt he did not need and that he had been taught not to expect?

At the time Hakyeon had tried to make him change his mind, to make him realize that knowing who his soulmate was, did not imply anything, and that he would not be forced to do anything that he did not want to do. But he had not been able to convince him.

"You are happy as number zero. Why can’t I be too?" Hakyeon smiled at him with an enigmatic smile then, because Hongbin knew that the other’s life had not been exactly a walk in the park from what Jaehwan told them. But the older could not argue, because he certainly could not deny that he was contented in the present time. It had been a low blow, but it was the only way to make the other drop the topic.

Hongbin turned once again. He was not good with feelings and was even more worse with dealing with the changes. He did not care what his documents stated, or what responsibility had had his family of origin. Hongbin was intimately convinced that nothing in him qualified him as a candidate to have a soulmate. Especially when he considered the numbers two, the very fact that they existed in the system. They were definitely the cause of all the suffering; Not only his but also of all the suffering of the people he loved, Sanghyuk, Hakyeon, Wonshik, and Jaehwan.

It was that rotten system that caused everyone to be afraid to be who and what they wanted to be, if he himself was afraid. If his parents had done what they had done.

Unable to lay down anytime longer, he scribbled up from his previous position. Lately, he had been feeling so confused and irritable. He was desperate to have answers, to see if there was a way to feel better because he did not want to burst again and say mean things to the people he loved and possibly hurt them. He had to find answers, a way to channel his anger to make a sense out of it.

When he saw that man, Taekwoon, Hongbin had been caught in a sense of irritation that was hardly justified-  
He got up from the bed with an uncertain pace. That was why he had begged Wonshik to accompany him to a second meeting. He needed answers.

Hongbin took some clean clothes he had left in the chair and with those, he entered the bathroom to start his morning routine.

It was better today, talking to Hakyeon had soothed some of his wounds, but they did not erase what he carried inside and Hongbin feared that sooner or later it would burst, and he would not be able to do anything about it.

Wonshik had almost choked with his own the saliva when he asked for that favor. Hongbin smiled at his image in the reflection, recalling the funny face that Wonshik had done. He shook his head before soaping his hands and then finally washing his face.

He was so thankful that Wonshik was still there, had been by his side in all those long and difficult years. Perhaps with Hakyeon and Sanghyk, Hongbin had found his new family, but his home? Well, he had long found it in the person of his funny, somewhat naive and infinitely loyal best friend.  
  
  
  
Sanghyuk woke up.

He woke up to the smell of coffee made by Hongbin and Hakyeon's endless chatter, and he knew at once that everything was back to normal.

However, Sanghyuk also knew that well, not everything was solved. Hongbin still had a lot to deal with and he had only begun to face his issues, and this Taekwoon had barged in again in their lives and with an even more spectacular entrance than the first time. Sanghyuk knew that, when it came to Hakyeon, there was no two without three. So it was very likely that this Taekwoon would make his appearance again.

  
Usually, Sanghyuk did not poke his nose into Hakyeon's personal business; Who he wanted to meet was absolutely upon to the older. The situation whereby it had interfered in their family life, never happened before and Hakyeon had helped a lot of people before and after them. Somehow though, Sanghyuk did not miss the strange interest that the older seemed to have for this person.

The younger had been preparing himself for this happening and as a zero, he would have been more than happy to encourage Hakyeon's initiative on this aspect of life. But this person, Taekwoon frightened him.

His reaction to finding him at home had not been as unforgettable as Hongbin's, but he could understand a few things in his reasoning or perhaps, in his case, it was just his selfishness that spoke. Because this new character seemed to be tied to Jaehwan and his past, and that was what, more than anything else, intrigued and worried Sanghyuk. Because perhaps this person had the answers, maybe he would finally understand the reason behind that impenetrable wall with which his tutor had been protecting himself since forever. And yet the fact that he could only succeed in that, only thanks to the arrival of a third person, someone who seemed to be important to Jaehwan, left a bitter taste in his mouth.

It was all obviously just his jealousy, childishness and silly thoughts yet, it was still tangible. Sanghyuk had fought so hard to grow as fast as possible that he couldn’t be stopped from these sudden insecurities. He had wished to be there for Jaehwan. Since he was thirteen, the latter had started to be his tutor and with the years this desire to be there for the other, grew bigger and stronger, and it had not taken a genius to understand that something so totalizing could be nothing else but love.

He had waited, waited for the time to pass and now that he was about to turn eighteen-years-old he was ready to step up. Maybe it would not change anything, but at least Jaehwan could no longer use his age as an excuse ignore his feelings.

"Do I really have to go to school? I'd rather come to help at the centre!” Sanghyuk complained. He wanted to check by himself that everything was in order. Perhaps if he had gone with Hongbin the day before there would have been no need for Taekwoon.

"Sanghyuk no buts, today you go to school. Hongbin also is going to his classes. If you want to help so much, you can always come after school, "Hakyeon reprimanded him, staring into his eyes, because he knew how Sanghyuk was stubborn and the older wanted to make sure that the young man understood. Sanghyuk nodded reluctantly at which Hakyeon smiled, pleased with the younger’s attitude.

Just a few months, he promised to himself, as he swallowed a big slice of toast and drank the coffee prepared by Hongbin, and then he would age and another few months later he would finish school. In no time, he would be an adult, who would be free to pursue his choices.

  
  


_"Sanghyuk, I want to introduce someone to you."_

_Sanghyuk looked at the older, a little lost. It was all new to him and he honestly did not trust anybody who was not Hakyeon. He had known Hakyeon from before at least, and he had always liked him and he had done some dance lessons with him before…_

_Sanghyuk squeezed his eyes shut. He did not have to think about it. That was a bad day that he had to leave behind. Anyways, Hakyeon was smiling, and Sanghyuk trusted him, and if he wanted to introduce someone to him, it was probably someone good._

_"He'll help you with the homework after school. You missed many lessons and you've been a bit behind. I would gladly do it myself but he is far better than me, "Hakyeon explained, though he seemed somewhat regretful. Sanghyuk knew that the older had agreed to work full time in the center and knew that he had done it to able to sustain his new young tenant. That was actually the reason why the older could not tutor him and Sanghyuk guessed Hakyeon felt guilty._

_Sanghyuk grinned at the latter, nodding as he tried to enliven him. He would have done anything to alleviate the work of the older because he had given him the warmth of a home when he thought he was all alone._

_At that moment someone knocked on the door._

_Sanghyuk turned towards it, nervously clutching his fists on the desk where he and Hakyeon were seated at._

_"Jaehwan, come in," Hakyeon called. The person who came in was of the same age of Hakyeon, he was wearing a very funny pair of round glasses and had a smile that made him more lively, if it was even possible._

_"Hi Sanghyuk, I'm Lee Jaehwan! Your new tutor! "The young man introduced himself with a loud, enthusiastic voice, as he sat down on the chair next to Sanghyuk's desk._

_"I'm sure we'll work well together," Jaehwan added kindly, making Sanghyuk smile._  
  
  
  
As soon as the bell rang, Sanghyuk did not even stay to greet his classmates. Instead, he dumped the books into his backpack and literally bolted out of his classroom and then out of the building towards the nearest bus stop. He did not have time to groom himself that afternoon; He had to get to the center as soon as possible. He wanted to help, to be useful, to demonstrate that he was capable..

Among them, Jaehwan had always been the most sensitive to episodes of vandalism. Sanghyuk would have liked to say that after the "blast", they were lucky if they went through worse things, but Jaehwan seemed saddened by the idea that numbers two and zero could not agree with one another in some way. Sanghyuk was not Hongbin, who would certainly jump on a chair just by hearing such words.

In his own way, he understood what Jaehwan meant. But it was also true that he had lost his parents in that explosion and therefore the younger was skeptic about peaceful coexistence.

When the bus finally arrived at the bus stop, Sanghyuk rushed in, before sitting down tiredly on one of the seats. Just as when he was a thirteen year old and also now that he was seventeen, Sanghyuk still felt this urgency, this sense of protection towards the older, this instinct to protect Jaehwan from everything and everyone even though he was ten years older and had been an adult for a while, so in theory he was perfectly capable of defending himself in life.

“I wish I could be your shoulder, the wall that protects you from anything that frightens you, I would like to embrace you and tell you that we are no longer alone and I wish that what I feel could be enough for the both of us if only you could give me a chance.” Sangyuk sighed internally. Hongbin would have made fun of him even if he knew half of his thoughts, and he did so every time he caught him watching Jaehwan longer than usual.

Sanghyuk in those moments would have wanted to argue and point out that if he knew everything how come he had not realized that Wonshik had a huge crush on him, probably for years. But he could not do this to Wonshik, so he bit his tongue every time.

When he finally reached the center, after running like a madman until he reached the sliding doors of the centre, he found Hakyeon and Hongbin as they were busy putting a plastic layer over the hole in the atrium window. It was a poor solution and Hakyeon had that wrinkle on his forehead that spoke about how much he wanted to be able to repair it himself. Sanghyuk smiled. Hakyeon always took everything to heart. He was pleased however to find out that the damage was not that big, for a moment when the older had spoken of vandalism, Sanghyuk feared they had combined a disaster.

"How can I help you?" The younger asked leaving his backpack into one of the chairs in the lobby.

"Oh Sanghyuk!" Hakyeon turned slightly to greet him.

Thank God,” Hongbin exclaimed.

"Come here and keep this up while I check what Wonshik is doing. He had to come back with a tape five minutes ago, but I bet that he got lost somewhere,” Hongbin said, leaving Sanghyuk with no choice but to take his place.  
"Ah kids these days have no regard for the elders," Hakyeon complained.

"Are you finally admitting your venerable old age hyung?" Sanghyuk teased him.

"You're lucky I got my hands busy," Hakyeon answered, throwing daggers at him, at which the other laughed. He really enjoyed riling the older man up, just to get a reaction out of him.

"Is there anyone?" The voice was barely more than a hesitant whisper, but it had not been his imagination because at soon as the voice registered in his ears, Hakyeon's grip on the layer slipped and the younger got the plastic tossed in his hands.

"Taekwoon, you came!"

Right there, in the middle of the atrium, disoriented and out of place like a child on his first day of school, was the man who Sanghyuk saw that morning seated on the couch of their house.

The man appeared more lucid but no less tired or pale than he previously was and he had a bad scar on the temples, courtesy of the thugs from the day before.

Sanghyuk did not know how to react, he was about to excuse himself and disappear too in search of the imaginary tape, when a voice barging in the atrium glued him where he was. Oh no.

"Hakyeon, these poor children here have been witlessly looking for the tape in the storage when I told you I had taken it with me because I needed it for my class! Your memory finally failing you like the rest, old man?" Jaehwan’s voice rang across the room, as he stepped into the lobby, followed by Hongbin and Wonshik. He had his usual controversial frown as he waved the tape with his hand as if it were the object of a crime.

None of the three had noticed that they had a visitor yet. Sanghyuk was holding his breath. Why did everyone always have such a good timing? Why he did not go looking for the tape instead of Hongbin, and above all, why did that man, Taekwoon had decided to come right at that moment. Just Why?

"Jae ... Jaehwan?" Taekwoon murmured, shock painted on his face.

Jaehwan turned so fast that Sanghyuk feared he had broken his neck.

The room turned eerily quiet as everyone sat still, before the tape slipped out of Jaehwan’s hand and hit the floor loudly. Sanghyuk saw the floor leave his face, and that urgency was so great that he almost felt physical pain.  
  
  
  
_"I'm so proud of you Sanghyuk!" Jaehwan exclaimed when he brought his school resume with all outstanding marks. Hakyeon had told him the same thing, but hearing it from Jaehwan, his despotic tutor, it felt ten times better._

_"Thank you hyung!" Sanghyuk replied scratching his head in embarrassment. Then, unable to endure the moment, he turned his head away. He was ecstatic to receive compliments. He had worked so hard to recover the lost time and luckily he had managed to catch up with the rest of the with the class in the end. However it didn’t matter how proud he was of his own hard work, there was still a void in his heart that he could not fill. It was called absence and it was called love and it was the place that his family had occupied once._

_In a fairer world, his mother and his father would also be there to congratulate him._

_He bit his lip harshly._

_He had promised not to weep anymore, not after that afternoon when the police came to his school and told him that his parents were gone, and that everything he had known and loved had ceased to exist. No, he did not want to put himself through the misery again._

_Just then, he heard the noise of a chair being dragged and before he could even turn around, he realized two pairs of arms had surrounded him and his chin sunk in Jaehwan's snug shoulder._

_"You did so well Sanghyuk. Really well. Your parents would have been so proud of you."_

_It was in that moment that Sanghyuk finally let it go. He allowed the walls that kept everything from crashing down since that afternoon and finally released the hot tears that instantly spilled from his eyes, and down his cheeks._

_Sanghyuk was born as a number zero. There was no one special for him in that world, no one who was waiting for him out there._

_He had accepted it, it was the ugly truth but it was inevitable. After all, he had been lucky, he had so many other things that were gratifying in his life. He had a beautiful home, precious friends and parents who loved him. His mother and his father were a pair of numbers zero, and although with great difficulties and with highs and lows, they were able to gain their little haven of happiness. Sanghyuk, therefore, had hope in the future, he used to tell himself that if it had happened to his parents, it could also happen to him._

_Then, the explosion had taken everything away from him. In the blink of an eye, everything that he had ever treasured had dissolved into the thin air._

_Sanghyuk understood for the first time, in its most aberrant meaning, what it meant to be left behind._

_Alone. He was alone._

_And even though Hakyeon loved him very dearly and he loved Hakyeon, it had not been enough to fill that gap in his chest._

_It was in that moment that Sanghyuk understood that this person, his despotic and irritating tutor, who was imperfect yet sensitive enough to immediately understand his sadness without him needing to speak, was right in his face. He realized then that this person was the only one who had been able to fill that void, with just a simple gestures. That void that was called absence. That void that was called love._

  
  


  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come scream at me ;)
> 
> My [Twitter](https://twitter.com/huilen4victory) and [Tumblr](http://iwaslookingforhope.tumblr.com/) 


End file.
